xmas dinner

had a really wonderful company dinner last nite @ mandarin oriental! i ate up mostly the crabs, lobsters, sashimi, roast ham, and cakes! the cakes were fabulous, sweet but not that sweet, and the coffee flavour of the xmas log cake just makes it all so yummy!
after dinner we had lucky draw of some sorts, with everyone eventually getting a present. the funny thing was i got the present that my dad was eyeing, wine and cup set! so everyone was congratulating me, saying, "good, then u can give to ur dad!"
haha! call that fate, it was meant to be my dad's when he first caught eye on it! LOL

the end of the year

~
with the year ending,
a new beginning awaits,
new trials and lessons,
new people,
and mayb even new frens,
but one thing never changes,
God's love for us.

as i reflect on wats going on in my life,
i realise,
its all about decisions,
whether wise or unwise,
happy or not,
it is all cause and effect.

someone said i was self-absorbed,
mayb i am,
or i just felt like not bothering to maintain a facade,
to mask my self confidence of not knowing how to communicate with others.
i try my best when meeting up with frens, but deep down, i know the truth.
sometimes i believe my frens are able to sense this as well,
thats why i never have that many close frens in my entire 23yrs.
my so called close frens are not as close as i wanted them to be,
alas!

~
they say that as long as u sincerely care for ur frens, they will draw closer to u,
or does it mean that i'm not sincere on how i treat my frens??? i dunno....
as the end of the year draws to a close, i hope that my concern for others will grow....

the past few days of activity

yeah, i was so kept up with activities this week (since my mum is away, *who let the dogs out woof woof woof woof woof haha! ;d) but somehow i feel quite disconnected with myself... perhaps i didn spend enuf time with myself.... sometimes, we need the peace and quiet to calm down our excitable selves and of course to pray and communicate with our daddy God.
anyways tonite is perhaps one of the last nites of my total anarchic freedom... and i'm gonna go watch a live basketball game! *Whoops
i wish i could play ball well, but unfortunately i dun have the will to keep up with it, perhaps my passion is only temporary, lik all other things that make me excited..

feeling bored

the feeling of boredom, is so rare, cos a burden was just lifted from my shoulders... been rushing for data conversion for 30 companies, the procedure is easy but it was downright tedious! plus the fact that i have to deliver it this morning, (thank God i finished it yesterday!)
haha! so now i'm pretty free as a bird, till my next customer does some preparation for the setup.

cant bear to go bac to work so quickly on mon, so i took leave to rest my routinised mind (doing the same steps 30 times is no kidding i tell u, i think i would be able to do this kind of data conversion next time with both eyes closed... >.<)

so yea, m waiting to continue my foosball.... waiting... still waiting....

good after ranting n ans customer query

yea i'm more cheered up after my earlier post and talking to a highly gan chiong customer... strangely enuf, it has picked me up and led me to continue with life as per normal, haha! anyways its just one of our many big squabbles, and the fact that we hadn had one in ages...

~the end

acceptance...

yes, perhaps it is more for him to accept my flaws, since my flaws are probably more glaring... but is it fair for me? the flaws i need to accept seem paled in comparison huh.... i have to accept his messyness, him turning day into nite with his bad sleeping habit, his too fun-loving character, his slackness when i ask him to do something and he says ok later and which he doesn do it in the end cos its a small thing and doesn interest him and he forgets, and lack of motivation in his studies that might create more chances for a better future, his expenditure with techie stuff when he just makes sure he can just afford it, with little savings left over and for me to be the main person saving up for the most impt day of our lives because i'm the one working and having more income while he's still a student. he is lucky that his family is a more normal one, one that i hope to have, so accepting this is a breeze, while he has to accept my mother, one whom i too wish i can choose, but reality bites because no one can choose who their parents are....
yes.... my acceptances of him are mostly physical, while his acceptances of me are more psychological? i dunno... perhaps lets just say that each and everyone of us does need to accept each other's differences even if the degree is different.. why? thats because everyone of us is different! our characters and responses are so different! the way we are brought up and taught to think are also different!
and yes, he was right when he said i was angry at myself, but it was at first... after the nite walk i was better and even msged to him first to ask him to get over his anger... his responses there after just got me more pissed and upset.... he misinterpreted wat i mean and didn think he had a part to play in my sadness...
i said sorry, and his first reponse was he will accept if i mean it and make effort to change my temper.... now, sorry to me is a hard word to say to anyone... and i made a conscious effort to do so, but i didn expect that kind of return. besides, does he also think he didn need to apologise for misinterpreting and hurtin me with his words? mayb i shdn have msged him cos it "seem" to create more anger.... perhaps then all would have turned out better...
watever it is, it is all said and done.... cooling off for now is better for both of us...

actually more peace....

having passed through the stage of extreme irritation aka anger, ive just amused myself with more slamdunk... apparently, something came up and as most humans are, when things do not go as expected, they get worked up. yea anyways i hope to not let this event ruin the rest of my today.

my bdae week!

this week has been like a whirlwind, afterall its my bdae week! tues-fri i spend my time outside home, with today staying over at wj's place :) mayb gonna watch movie marathon or mayb shd do something different since i dun stay out all that often
yea, very happy! this is perhaps my best bdae ever LOL :D
*appreciate all the little things in my life, claps!

kept up with busy-ness

yea this month has been chaotically busy! i was given reports to do by my bro, some forms by a senior, and then ic oe and po training and more forms alignment at a customer's place which is in..... TUAS!
now i'm only taking a breather and coming in to blog about it, with my next training session on my mind.. ar and ap only and its at ang mo kio... quite relax about it actually since it is not as difficult anymore :) now is only the thing about getting there... how? if only my dad can drive me there... ha

at least i finished my reports already, so nothing really bugs me while i concentrate on my next training.. hehe alright now back to more testings!

my first ic oe and po training

i was totally stressed out for my ic, oe and po training preparation, but now that ive gone through it, it was not so bad :)
and then i apparently fell sick and am still having the cold...
so the moral of the story is..... to not stress urself, cos ur body cannot take it, also, things always turn out well despite ur worse imaginations :\
haha! so there...
now im reading the saint, surfer and the ceo by robin sharma. This book is divided into 3 parts, and yes, im reading the saint portion :-) hehe
rite, shall end here, time to enjoy my sunday, yeeha!

slamdunk

as i'm writing this i'm listening to my favourite song of slamdunk, somehow, i am touched by the song, though its rock and in jap. haha! but the images linked to this song was what led me to feel for this song ;d
how the character struggled to get back to basketball, kind of raises goosebumps as i listen to this catchy tune hehe
i'm so happy to have found the ost *whoops in delight

laughing more, having more fun and... noisyness

haha, bet wj will agree with me, ive been crazily happy these 2/3 days... more relaxed and joking, laughing more, being more lame... hehe, seems like i'm just starting to see some 'light'
u must be wondering wat 'light' i'm toking abt, its just that ive been reading robin sharma and listening to pastor prince's sermons and thinking more abt my life especially wat have i been missing :)
and the more i thought abt it, the more i think that i shd b celebrating for being alive, instead of complaining my life sux because of wat happened to me in the past and present. To live life without any condemnation or sin consciousness because i am made righteous in Christ :)
amen!

the theory of foosball

today wj told me to stay away from foosball, i was kinda sad... apparently wats making me moody is playing against him, so? call me a sore loser then! ;d

but the theory of foosball also taught me that i was taking it all too seriously. Try as i may, i always appear "black" when i lose to him... another thing that was making it hard was that he wasn even playing hard enough, and yet i still always lose to him.. this kinda got my negative self thinking that even with enuff practice i mite not have a chance against him...

moreover, his not playing hard enough also irks me in a way i couldn imagine.... i guess i would rather he go all out to play then to try to give in to me...

yea thats wats called taking it all too seriously, the competitive streak in me was clearly aroused and was taking way too much control of me...

now, when i mite have finally wanted to enjoy foosball properly, he comes to tell me he doesn wan me near the foosball table... sigh! wat an irony....

>.< ||

now the moral of the story is..... dun EVER take urself too seriously, and nvr be afraid to lose!

appreciating the little things

~ appreciating the little things

the little chameleon that runs across my path and climbs up the tree and then out of sight as i headed out from my client's place,
children streaming out from school and absolutely raucous and out of control, walking, running and obstructing my way, the happiness palpable in the air.
a hot day that makes one feel sticky and wish that there is aircon everywhere
the bus that took some time to come amid the heavy traffic
and me finally taking a rest on that cool transportation, moving towards a cooler place, my office

becoming more self aware

last nite as i sat dryin my hair, i also started thinking about my emotions... especially abt my short fuses with my mum amongst other things... more often than not, as i reflect deeper into my emotions, i realise, i'm in some sort of pain, perhaps mostly self-inflicted as i shaped myself to match up to my mum's expectation of being a dutiful daughter, in the process losing a sense of who i am... mayb i'm nt as filial as i think i am, i'm just afraid that i'll anger my mum so much that i cause her something physical, like her falling ill etc. then i would probably feel guilty for the rest of my life...
i dunno.... as i think through why she behaves as she is, i think she's also in some kind of pain not only physically now since she's older but something deeper on the psychological part, inflicted from many years ago... she only thinks she care so deeply abt me and that i dun appreciate it, but she doesn noe that that is wat is causing me to react so badly towards her. her concern for me is so over-bearing, that after my schooling days i just couldn endure it much longer. i tried telling her a couple of times, and she comes up with excuses e.g being old and having more experience, she's like that already, have chest pains and then deflect the topic etc.
to me it is bullshit, being old does not mean u cant change ur attitude. is just that u become more resistant to change. if u can relax and broaden ur mindset, things will become better.
nevertheless, i will continue to examine my reaction towards her and to hopefully guard my temper better. i realised that when i let down my guard, i would most likely bark at her, and then almost immediately regret my loss of control....
i want to face my emotions squarely and not try to run away or pretend they dun exist because the more u resist the more they persist. normally i will do this through journalling, and after pouring out everything in words, i feel better :)

read 2 books

recently read two books, one is called the gypsy morph which i was trying so hard to find since its the last part for the trilogy, the other is robin sharma's sequel to the monk who sold his ferrari, title which i cant remember offhand at the moment.
haven been doing much reading after graduation, so these two books were pretty refreshing. haha!
ok its bac to work now, after taking a short break to do some thinking about my life, and some work problem.. so cheers! :)

sitting on in bed...

~
a decision,
to make or break.
its a promise to myself
to take the necessary steps
to build on my spiritual strength,
to build on my mettle,
to become the person i long to be
with grace, with love
with wisdom
~

been feeling very happy these days, even nancy commented how come i'm so happy this morning. Perhaps its because ive been listening to worship songs lately. The peacefulness and flow kinda filled me with a sense of being closer to God haha!
so even when my mum started nagging at me (again), i was able to keep my spirits high :)
cheers!

had good fun and cheer

today had a good time with some members of the coconut family (our dear ms kl, vince, nancy, daisy and jumhie)
haha, dun ask me how the coconut thing came abt... cos i'm nt sure also... it could have started cos of vince's coconut song LOL
anyways, we went to paradise inn to celebrate our little coconut sis' bdae :D
ordered small dishes and woah, the food's good! we were having loads of fun toking joking, cheering haha! think we made so much noise that ppl in the restaurant were irked by our excitement...
we took some pics, and videos, with nancy and daisy the main snappers... so hilarious when they tried to take each other with the cameras pointed to one another :)
we were so excited machiam like little kids! :-D
kinda miss our little miss kl... oh well...

the power of prayers however small...

last nite the house keys went missing and my parents searched high and low for it, even going thru the rubbish bins in case it was accidentally thrown away... apparently there was still no sign of it... i could see my mum getting so depressed about it, probably blaming herself for her carelessness, my dad only said, "simple, just go and change the locks"
i on the other hand was calm, there wasn any point to be panicky, and even if the keys are missing, it doesn really matter, cos the person who picked up probably will not noe which house to break into?? haha! anyways before i slept i prayed a small little prayer that the key will be found, and soon after it appeared! my mum found it in one of her dress pocket! she too had prayed, so our prayers were answered, Amen! :)

disasters

typhoon in the philippines, earthquake at sumatra, tsunami at samoa... something comes to mind, is the world coming to an end??!! with so many people dying and in need of aid, it is very depressing... but can we do anything to stop these disasters? no.... the most we can do is to rush aid supplies to these affected areas, or do our part to reduce global warming, but seriously tectonic plate movements, we are so so so helpless...
In times like this, its hard to think that God is with us, like how can he allow so many disasters to wreak havoc in our lives?? to think like that would be shaking our faith in Him. He who provides for our every need and loves us as His wonderful creation certainly does not want to see us suffer... so there must be something good that comes out from all this and only time will tell....

something...

i read from somewhere tat unhappiness came about from trying to pursue happiness... interesting... the more u wan it, the more elusive it gets... not sure if i agree totally with it... ha! but it seems true for me... the more i wan to b happy in my job, the more i expect from it, and the greater the disappointment... so somehow the equation became like this

wanting happiness = higher expectation of myself = higher disappointment = unhappiness

so it would seem that not wanting to be happy in my work will then translate into lower expectation of myself, then equivalent to being happy.. now this sounds pretty depressive. but then, there is also something that attracts me to being mediocre. it means fading into the background and being content with wat u have, not needing to fight with anyone for anything, not needing anyone's recognition in order to live a smooth life... mediocre seems like a negative connotation, but...for me, it could be the best advice to live a care-free life :)

pictures of last lunch (hopefully not) with karen

after our very sumptious roasted pork and duck rice with vegetables, fruits and grass jelly,

we took these pictures. this will leave very good memories for me and for the rest of the team :)

and i wish karen all the best for her future endeavours.

" 笑口常开，好运自然来”

recently been down...

yes, ive been down recently... today is karen's last day, and now i'm the only female left in the technical team... i can no longer bug her to discuss our problems together and can only go straight to the senior... less fun and laughter from complaints about our customers... more silence in the office...

also, ive been thinking about my ability to do well in my work, perhaps i'm too impatient and want to see results which i don, and it makes me sad... my soft skills are sorely lacking and i need to learn... the unfortunate thing is i'm nt living up to my own expectations, or mayb they are too high??!! i'm not sure...

or mayb i should just not expect anything, as long as i do my best??!! wat is my best then?? i'm not sure.... ok then i shd get back to work...

say here plainly...

~my mum

yes! u're telling the truth, u dislike wj! to admit it blatantly whenever i piss u off... this also pisses me off, but at least it proves that i'm rite all along. nothing can ever change ur thinking, even if i can prove that he can take care of me....
"no good one la, wenjie too playful, so unambitious, go out all the time, always fun-loving, no good la! how to be responsible to take care of the family next time?!"

You noe wat???!!! i'm also super sick of listening to all ur unfounded comments! so wat if he/I go out like every other day? so wat if we are young and wanna have fun before growing old??!! Is a crime to do that is it? Besides, u wan everyone to be as lonely as u are, pushing ppl away from u by behaving in such a manner... so wat if u're my mum??!!! a respectful figure, my foot ah!

do u even have any idea how rebellious are children nowadays??!! look at those on the mrt, not only their dressing, but their whole demeanor, smacks of rebellion, toking like ah bengs or ah lians or the whole train belongs to them...

i'm nt even like that and u're already putting the blame on wj.. i'm so like a floormat isnt it?? meant to be stepped on and bullied by u... all ur tough love?! If thats the case, I'd rather not be loved....

watever u say, i'll just listen in anger, but at the same time, i do not bother saying anything....
i'd rather watch tv then hear u yak! please just stop toking unless u have something constructive, or something that makes me happier....

ok enuf of my ranting...

when i become needy..

~
when i become needy,
i become grumpy,
small disappointments growing
as big as saucers,
a good listening ear,
is it what i need?
preferably not,
it could be better left alone
to sort out one's thoughts,
to depend on thyself
because others come and go.
~

Dear Lord, when i become needy, please help me to fix my eyes on u, for u are the pillar of strength. Amen!

A story that could be real

~
"why do i need to live much longer? what's the point of living when i'm experiencing aches and pains and stress and have no one to live for?"
this was something similar to wat i heard and it kind of scares me. Not that the depression and the helplessness was unexpected, but the thinking that was triggered was, like death was the solution?!

Why are ppl's comments so "deadly" for some and not for others? perhaps everyone has issues they are senstive to, and once "touched" upon, they can fly into a rage, go into depression and helplessness or even contemplate suicide in the worst case!

i perhaps choose to be depressed and helpless for awhile before the cycle returns... this is a shell that retreats into itself to rebuild the walls that have been torn down. At the very least it stays that way, until something really devastating comes along and catches me unawares and pins me down into the depths. that point would really have been close to death's door...
~

the end

knowing wat u want in life

yes, i've been thinking somewat about that lately, ever since i met up with sock hoon. She has matured and grown over the months, and i think coaching really helps her. I told her some of my concerns and she encouraged me to join the events, but i told her i'm nt really interested because i don like to attend any netmeeting stuff. i will probably stand in one corner, being visibly awkward and avoid toking to ppl haha!
and of course wat she said reminded me of going to read up on something inspirational. i came across this article about are we sleepwalking through life. it is a interesting read :)
http://celestinechua.com/blog/2009/01/are-you-sleepwalking-your-life-away/

not as unusual as i think

i often wondered how common was my name Noella, so one fine day, i went to friend finder on facebook and typed in. Boy, Noella was pretty hot, and came back with 500 plus people! Noellas of different races, whether middle name or last name appeared :)
Also, i went to check for Noella Tan, and four people (including me appeared) haha! so, as i thought my name was unique and can find none other, it was a surprise to see 3 other Noella Tans.
i was thinking wow, im cloned! LOL

the inevitable...

~
a colleague has left, she has to go back to philippines for treatment because of some health problems.
Although I'm not close to her, i still feel like a member of the comptrac family is missing. Looking at my calendar of photos detailing our memorable macau trip, a sense of melancholy washed over me.
Isn't parting between people inevitable? i thought to myself. Still this feeling niggled at me.
~

wonder...

~
i used to think i am a good listener, but realistically speaking, maybe not. I am more caught up in my own world than trying to figure out others'. Perhaps, that is why i cannot click with certain people, alot of people that is!
my social awkwardness did nothing to help either. At times, i do not know what to say to the other parties, so i tend to bore them with my stories. To me, my stories are "interesting", but to others, apparently nonsensical and better not to listen.
I see it in their inattentive faces, my inability to connect to them hurt me. But i pretend not to care, for that is what i can only do.
My heart is screaming for someone who truly understands me, who truly listens to my every "lame" story. That someone came close, yet he is not the one.
i think no one can, only my heavenly Father...
~

loser, sore or not

~
sore loser, loser sore
for a reason no one can fathom
except for that person.
for out of the depths,
comes the low self esteem
it is only in winning,
that the esteem can be made higher
all this is but one false front
for all this crumbles
when constant losing takes place.
when everything seems useless....
~

grew rounder and cuter....

yea, our Ms KL (karen luat) said that my face looks rounder and cuter together with my short hair... seems like ive gained bac the weight ive lost when i had flu... ha! but of course! had such good dinners over the weekend and yest added to the list (pontian wanton noodles with extra noodles, and half-priced sushi which wj decided to splurge on)
wat to do, its abt THAT time of the month, and my mouth usually becomes more itchy to munch on food.. :D haha! So perhaps my biggest sin would be gluttony... oh wat the heck! LOL

a dream

~
me and wj and several others were in a huge house. this house was opulently decorated, fit for a very powerful family, influential beyond words! somehow we were in this house for a holiday. we were looking and appreciating the grandeur when the ground started shaking and then stopped! we looked at each other, "was this some kind of imagination?!" then the ground shook again and this time, there were cracks forming on the floor!!
"oh no!! its an earthquake!!!" me and wj ran from the room hand in hand, looking for somewhere safe...
the house was breaking apart, with the slabs collapsing about us. There was water splashing out from broken pipes and we continued running for safety...
~

i then woke up shivering from the cold, the wind was blowing into my room and freezing me up. i realised the above scenario was a dream... I got up, closed the window, went to the toilet and then settled down to continue my sleep... my alarm rang all too soon and i got up... to a splendid sunrise, the orangey spread across the sky! i thanked God for this wonderful morning :)

over the weekend (Aug 22-23rd)

had loads of fun over the weekend! went over to sh's place in the evening of sat, played mini pool till i'm happy (found myself so used to it that when i went to play normal pool, my aiming real bad.... haha! but of course, my luck still favoured me)
however, had a bad sleep that nite, not only did we sleep late, but i couldn fall asleep cos of wj's hand... haha, and i in turn caused him to lose sleep.... apparently took so long fr me to doze off, i actually heard sh's snoring first... b4 i noe it, its morn and sh was waking us up!! so i think effective sleeping time was only like wat?! 3-4h only!
we had nasi lemak breakfast, i enjoyed the chilli immensely, and then set off for badminton and ball at bukit panjang cc... boy was i shaqed! now i feel the aches and pains throughout my body!
my stamina was bad as usual, but it was fun!
and then wj and me went to mad jack at paradiz centre to celebrate hm's bdae.. the food was disappointing, the portions not matching the price we paid, and it didn taste that nice.... then we walked in circles to look for a pool place, oh boy, it was like further exercise for me and wj.... we were like 2 semi-dead fishes lol
then for dinner, we went to taste paradise @ ion! heard of the place from nancy. She wanted to eat there with her relatives, apparently need to book for a place first....
it was a really nice chinese concept restaurant and pretty high class! the food was of course pricey but really good!! we had like suckling pig and sharks fin soup 2 expensive dishes normally eaten during wedding banquets for me! but this was just a weekly dinner for the family, which i haven officially become a part of this extended family yet, haha! nancy said i was blessed and indeed i felt i was :)
dinners with this family were particularly memorable, not only did i see quarrels happening...bt the food is really good whether home made or outside! haha! (i love food as u can see!)
so overall this weekend was great, awesomely fantastic!

feeling sleepy and thinking of certain office stuff

i think i ate too full this time, so i'm feeling super sleepy! also nancy told me something that got her so emotional, and in fact it kind of grew bigger since augustine also noes abt it... we dun have those kinds of office politics, but we do have small incidents like this... sigh! oh well, its all part and parcel of reactions to certain things as well over-reaction on the part of others... thats y relationships btw ppl can get so complicated... while i comforted nancy, i also feel the need to distance myself from such stuff... and the fact is it could prove to b difficult since it involves the office and i do have a stake in it as well... ah! how to be diplomatic and all that??!! nvrmind, leave my bro to deal with this... :\

yanti gone, the house becomes even quieter

now yanti is gone, so the house will become even quieter, and i'll need to stay more at home to company my mum... and to do dish washing... gone are my nites of coming home from work, waiting for dinner to be served and then plopping myself in front of the tv and waiting to be served with fruits... sighs.... yea in a way i'm spoilt rotten through the many years of having a maid...
this morn as i waited to be served my breakfast for the last time, i feel a sense of melancholy.... i have to make my own breakfast already.... no more waiting... anymore...
and i bade my maid farewell and to take care of herself, and left my house for work....
now at work, i'm also feeling a tad blue... for later, i'll need to go home, home to a quiet house.... a house that now becomes bigger.... and bigger....

ppl with varying degrees of temper

yeah different ppl have different degrees of temper, i must say i have seen sh's one today... although nt the full one, but i cringe... somehow the atmosphere got soured up and boy was i taken aback by the tsunami like change... of course thats nt to say that she was in the wrong, in fact i guess no one was... its just that there was this need to be careful in one's speech and blah blah, unfortunately in this society, we dun live as hermits, we are all interactive and dependent on responses and reactions to one another... so yea.... we have to be tactful lest we ruffle the nerves of others' oh well...
kudos to those who can still straight talk and in spite of knowing that they might get into trouble, but are unafraid to step on others' toes :)

having 3 days with the flu

my 3 days of mc became like an extended national day holiday :) and passed so quickly! for one, i slept like a baby, my days become like nites and nites still the same... my sleeping pattern was altered and i had so much sleep tat i was energized by the time this week began! haha!
so i'm bac in office and tomoro will be going down with thye to arrow communications :) gambatte girl!!

my late entry for 1st august

we had a great time on 1st august! we had kayaking in the morn followed by k-ing at scarlet city @ ang mo kio and then sweet spring for light dinner :D we took so many pictures and had a rowdy time. i'll just put a few photos of our activities below...(food pictures taken by our dear jumhie)





the yam stick covered with sugar, a tad too sweet
nevertheless, it was good combination, not oily!








strawberry mango snow ice, which was disappointing
for nancy, vince and karen. look at the lack of jams!!






our green tea and red bean snow ice! the green tea was subtle and red bean sweet
a perfect combination i would say!





the chicken feet we ate at sweet spring,
the sauce and all... look at it!!







the sesame paste, peanut-coated ah balling, woohoo!
soft and yet chewy, mmm....











this was the kayaking, 6 of us (kamrul and nancy didn join in, but kamrul did join in for this pic, daisy missing!) as u can see we were wet, due to gian's evil plan (running us down and splashing water in a bid to get us all wet, no one spared) lol however lim (his partner) was the wettest.. haha!

and this was the brown room of scarlet city, all of us squeezed together to take a series of pictures, using vince's camera.. "10,9,8,7....3,2,1 flash!" ) so there u have it :)

as i travel in the car....

~
stop it! my mind screams to the one speaking. From my perspective, firing ppl should wait till they prove incompetent, not just because they act weird or take MC often. Of course look out for those with excuses not to work. however, wat can i say? i can only listen and feel slightly uncomfortable. uncomfortable with the fact that in the business world cannot allow for compassion? also the fact that my friendships may be in jeopardy? stop telling me things already! i'm kinda sick....
of course nothing is permanent, how come i dun seem to grasp this fact?? perhaps one can get too comfortable with life when it is so plain-sailing. When things finally come to an end, i think i would feel sad... sad to see ppl leaving and having to adapt to the loneliness once again...
mayb i am too over-reliant on my frens... their eventual absence from my life weighs heavily in my mind.. and the number of photos with smiling faces just too many to be counted. wat are the things left behind, it can only be photos as well as those past happy memories....
no wonder this saying rings in my ear through and through, "cherish the happy moments, and everyone around u"
~

truth....

yea, i was annoyed with wj, or rather with wat he said abt me saying if i cant do it, then i definitely cant... tats true ive heard of all the sayings from inspirational books and the like, but i just cant help it! telling myself i can do it, but failing to do and eventually giving up is all part of me... ya shutting off my potential watever it is called.... i noe everyone will advise and give examples as to how i can be who i wan to be... but seriously i will just get angry, not with the person but at myself... for being a weakling and easily pushed around and give up without a good fight etc... nevertheless, its all part of my self defenses or walls around me, which can make it inaccessible for anyone, including wj.
as they always say "truth hurts..." so my angry reaction is a reflection of that i guess...

自己是怎样的一个人？

~
有时候我好像一个飘浮的船， 漫无目的的。。。
开心或不开心，可能自己也不知道。
有时我选择掩饰自己的真感情，
因为我是怪胎，我不知道要感觉怎样。。。
所以看人家笑，我也会微微一笑。
真的觉得好笑的时候，其他人不笑，只有我笑哈哈。
人家跟我说话，我只会点头，不懂怎样回答。
所以很难和其他人做朋友，交换心事。。。

~

not a red acer.... but....red MSI!

haha, ended up here and there as my dad hunted for the best bargains in terms of speed, brand and price... i ended up not with acer aspire one as i thought sure i was getting... but he got a better deal, a MSI U123, with 2 gb ram already and cheap!

karen said it was lighter, i'm nt sure whether i agree to that, cos i haven tried to weigh hers LOL!
anyways i'm immensely happy with it, except for the fact that i keep forgetting it does not have a cd drive :D is super lay chey if need to install any cd related stuff...
having said that, i feel good using the keypad, doesn feel that faraway from my lenovo lappie in exchange for this... worth it hehehe

abt the image, but i blame the societal trends

yea, my image is hardly the kind that impresses... ive got like pimples and freckles and my dress sense can be much improved upon, having said that, i blame societal trends that in certain jobs, u need to create a "professional" image in order to do well in... for instance u need to dress formally for product demos or for meeting with the clients and training them...

make them have good impression of u and ur product... is like saying u are ur product..

like u have to be serious cos u're selling a accounting software or stuff like that... this can be silly, i mean it can also further the stereotype that accounting is serious and boring...

anyways, its abt ppl's impressions, and why ppl's impressions?? it starts from their likes and dislikes, whether they are comfortable with ur looks or watever...

they used to say that fat is beautiful, now it has become fat is disgusting and not respecting ur body... watever it is.... its just a fact of life that trends and ppl's thinking abt u has taken such a centre stage... rumours here and there abt ur quirky dressing or behaviour etc... sigh! feels really... i dunno wat to say...

anyways, we dun live as hermits, if only we do, the place would have been more peaceful....

tues clarke quay dinner (food festival)

these two pics were taken just b4 we went to have dinner. first time that i intro wj to nancy and karen :D

we ate the most memorable ondeh ondeh which the gula melaka just burst in the mouth when u bite into it... and the durian paste (bengat, i think!) really good since it was done by swissotel merchant court! haha!

the babi ponteh that nancy bought was nice too, especially eaten with sambal belacan, first heard of this dish while watching little nonya and then i wondered how it tasted like?! LOL so now i noe, mmmm.....

my red acer A0D250!

yea, i was hoping my dad will get the acer A0D250 for me! God answered my prayer and now, i have to wait patiently for next week to come... haha, the stock will only come in middle of next week, to which i hope it wouldn be delayed... :D below is wat i'm eagerly waiting for! Swwwweettttttt!

image from http://www.notebookcheck.net/Newsentry.153+M5c8d9324471.0.htmlthen i can start having some fun, surfing the net (streaming my videos!) and playing simple pc games lik plants vs zombies (need to get from wj)
yeeha!

and... this morning i saw two 小小强dead on my table...the packet of exterminating seeds are useful, not only for ants! haha...oh well.... this shows how dirty our tables are only, karen's table is clean cos she wipes it down everyday LOL

小强的出现！

哎哟，今天auntie说她看到我桌上有三只小强！她用吸尘器把它们给吸走。。。还好我还没上班，不然一定大叫救命！咳！只怪我平时太贪吃，然后又不打扫，所以好像把小强们都叫过来似的。。。
是的，我决定少吃，而且要打扫桌子一翻。。。。 顺便减肥！！
小强！不要再来了！

sat dinner with the girls..then after the boys.. ha!

yupz, sat(18th jul) i had a fun filled day... went to eat jap ramen with huay and co (which i cant remember the restaurant name except that its at the basement of raffles shopping centre) and then went to play bowling, oh boy, huay and shell were quite good and da ge had the best pose! LOL, M also tried to follow da ge's style which resulted in a very niang pose.... we had a very good laugh at him!
i cheated and got a strike,muahaha! or rather the machine was screwed up... anyways, overall i like bowling! my hand wasn as aching as the first time i played, mayb becos i'm plumper now and have more energy?! haha!
after that (-huay), we went to billy bombers to eat the choc fondue, the choc was good! shell suggested making choc fondue then we pay her, lol, then rong said that she has the fondue equipment at home, thats when we thought next time we really could have a fondue party!!! :D

after bading farewell to the girls, i went to meet with wj... as usual he was playing ball and then after we had dinner together with his mates... went to ichiban sushi at parkway... had some conversation with his pals, and thoroughly enjoyed the company... toked abt eating habits to lose weight and stuff... in fact i think i'm more comfortable with the boys... strangely enuf, since i've been quite socially awkward ard them... but i guess in a group and esp with wj there, it was reassuring and comfortable... also i guess its the similarity btw me and the guys, they are straight talkers, same as me.... but if i were to tok to huay and co, i have to be more careful abt their feelings for example.... in other words, girls are complicated and read too much into details... they may also intepret the wrong signals, even though u meant it as a joke...

but having typed all this, all in all, my sat was really a good day!!! :)

another dinner at sh's place (steamboat!) but before....

afternoon~ purposefully skipped lunch cos i knew nancy ordered pizzas fr her bdae celebration...only had two fruits and some chicken.. and karen and co bought a choco-blueberry cake! we had lots of picture taking and laughter (duh!) *check to see if there's any photos uploaded.. HAHA!

and for dinner~ another great dinner at sh's place! had steamboat, and the highlight was xiao hei's perfectly cut streaky pork(many plates of it!) also the star shaped and girly faces of the fishcakes left quite a amusing impression on me! LOL... apparently they taste good also, different from the normal taste, had a more seaweedy taste that covered the fishy taste... haha!
after many rounds of throwing food in, the soup was fantabulously sweet and i drank several bowls of it! just when i tot about there already, wj's aunt brought out a basket of longans! i couldnt resist and ate quite some of it, and then again when i tot i'm finished, lo and behold, the chocolate cheesecake was brought out! it was great i tell u!! apparently i ate from his other aunt's plate cos i mistook it for my own.. wj's fault for asking me to fill his water cup... LOL.. suddenly it looked like i was very greedy and leaving my marks ard.. :D
i played with joshua, the cat that looks just like real life garfield, and again entertained everyone with my silly letout :))

sailing ard the world....

oh how i wish i could be like this kid who sailed ard the world in a year! his perspectives/outlook in life must be different from most kids his age, and he must have been really independent and a thinker, to be able to adapt to the navigation of the high seas :)

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20090717/tts-yachting-usa-record-youth-c1b2fc3.html

blue beach dress

today i wore the blue beach dress that wj bought for me :) nancy and karen said i looked good in it, lol! quite funny for me since i nvr wore a dress when i outgrew the kid stage... i feel kind of airy around my stomach area and a lil insecure... it just needs getting used to hehe!

*cat call from cherry who just came in, and she says "hey, u're wearing a dress, should wear more!"

my poor lips

~
dry stretchy feeling
the expansion of the lips
looking so much like 2 sausages
pain, but not quite there
sensitive to touch,
what shall i do?
lip balm lip gloss??
ah... sigh..
hate those sticky things...
~

my poor lips are probably screaming to me to stop washing my face.. but there's no choice.. so... i need a lip balm!!!

all abt my zit

~
red, bumpy to the touch,
fluid-filled swelling, an irritant
mars the rest,
of my beautiful face,
or wats left of it.
the zit, simply put.
the zit that puts me off,
that pushes me to squeeze
but all efforts unsuccessful.
~

my little zit prose-turned-poem :D

another nice dinner with good company! @beach rd

yepz, another week with wj and his cuz :) enjoyed their company, esp sh's hearty laughter at wj's joking abt me and sw's indian accent "howda?" and my accent "yipu" haha! one accidental letout in KL which resulted in a entertaining joke.. lol! but i kinda like to entertain ppl ard me, so i wouldn mind seeming a lil (or alot!) silly, makes me feel happy! hehe...
anyways, we went to watch i love u man, and i liked the show, made me laugh like hell, haha! (nvrmind wj doesn like it) its one of the few non-animation shows that make me laugh that much.. muahhaha!
after which we proceeded to beach rd hawker centre to eat a early dinner. the food was as usual good (or bad considering the superbly high cholesterol!), i thoroughly enjoyed the fried kway teow, hokkien mee, orh luat, mutton soup and the avocado shake that sh ordered!
and i mite add the avocado shake tasted like 1 part green bean 99 parts coconut milk! (lol, the forensic heroes joke, nice!!! wj was rite when he said he heard me slurping away happily in the car ;D)
all these possible cos of sh and sw who noes all the good food, hehe! 3 cheers for them!! :))

skimming through dramas

yupz, today i'm online to skim through some dramas... was looking at dramas from korea, taiwan and japan.... and japan has the shortest number of episodes... no wonder my cuz doesn like to watch any other dramas-short, sweet and to the point! lol :)
i saw this one drama that kind of intrigued me, its called the quiz season 2. Its a psychological story and i think i will like it... hmmm... mayb i'll start watching after i finish boys over flowers... haha! :D
the liar game that wj intro to me also seems interesting since it belongs to the same kind of genre, mayb these 2 dramas will be my top priority later, muahahha!

dreamy vacation spot - bora bora

this morn while i was on my way to work, i heard the radio mentioning a nice place to vacation which is the bora bora island! the DJ said something abt nice beaches and a bungalow which is just above the water, so u can jump out of ur house with a splash literally! so cool!

this is just one of the images i saw when i went to google abt it, apparently it is the best tourist spot for beaches (or so one of the websites mentioned...not sure how true, but judging from the pic, its really nice!!)

its right next to pacific ocean (or on it, i'm nt so sure, cos i briefly skimmed through). i was more mesmerised by the images i saw, such pristine, untouched waters good for snorkeling or diving (i dun do either sports...), a really clear see through! i can just imagine the clarity of the marine life teeming in it.. i wish i could be there... either on honeymoon or just a holiday... haha ;D

pic taken from www.weddings-abroad.com/borabora.htm

the fun element

~
who's to say i'm nt having fun on my own?
wat are the consequences?
wat are the chances?
the chances of being there and having alot more fun?
now that is nt the case
when i'm there, nothing much happens,
when i'm nt, there seems to be more on-the-fly activities.
there seems to be this inexplicable force of my absence.
like something doesn wan me to have extreme fun.
mayb, just mayb i can beat this force.
to have someone beside me doing stuff i like
while he does not and he cant say no.
he always say take the chance,
so i'll take that chance.
the chance to make him do reluctant things, which he does with his frens
it's called peer pressure.
but for me, i will make it couple pressure.

~

overly sensitive ppl, which also includes me...

~
some ppl cant take jokes, and may misunderstand, others just plainly misinterpret, but i shant say much cos i do that sometimes, misunderstanding wat ppl tell me, especially from my loved ones... anyways, ya, i was kind of feeling that something was wrong... and mayb i'm reading too much into things... bt the way she asked me made me feel like ive done something really wrong, when all i did was trying to make some conversation topic...

mayb i should just leave it at here... just to say that there are many more sensitive things going around, if u want to take it to heart and be over sensitive, then u risk losing ur frens to misunderstandings/arguments. nuf said...
~

first impressions

~
first impressions,
most are wrong
ppl still believe in that,
unfortunately.
communication's as complicated as it gets
especially the one who speaks
and the person who receives and then responds
perceptions are but a surface thing,
u can mean one thing, while feeling another,
but no one can understand, cos they perceive u
to be like this and like that
u noe u're not haughty,
but ppl say u do just because u dun speak to them
u're probably shy and shivering with fear,
feeling self conscious, self-absorbed
that u'd rather remain silent.
shut off from this somewat cruel world
~

KL trip

really!! it was fun-tastic!!! i ate so much (overeat i mean) and shopped somewhat. the only thing i didn try was the foot massage, i cant stand my feet being touched, i think i can bring the whole massage place down by my laughter or screaming... HAHA!
so me and wj just went bac to the room and slept... the bed was awesomely nice to sleep on, with the aircon and the soft bedsheets, it was really warm and cosy feeling... both of us knew wat kind of bed we want in the future! lol

of course there were some things i saw on the KL trip which kinda 'opened my eyes' to the world.. (u read abt tat kind of thing in news articles, bt seeing it happen to u, is just plain ....) things like paying ur way through to speed up on certain things.. and the traffic there was atrocious! we were like caught in a jam that lasted like close to an hour just round the corner to our hotel... *faints

but disregarding the episodes, it was definitely a trip to remember! so much laughter(mainly me actually, cos wj said i laughed the loudest, but seriously, its damn funny!!!) because of the truth or dare stuff... LOL (it had me trying to floop like a fish, and i tried... i really did!)

and i also had a first taste of heineken, and i'm nt a fan, i prefer tiger beer, but then again, i dun like beers or any liquor.. it was comparing which has the worser taste... ;D

thinking bac on the food we ate: the really good black hokkien mee, BBQ chicken wings, BBQ stingray, some pork ribs or pork chop dish, kang kong, the char siew, the claypot bee ta mak, coffee pork ribs (i think), fried kailan, the longan drink we had after some squeezing at chinatown, KFC chicken meal, wonton mee (if have that kind of chili would be so nice!)
*mmm.... oh and i almost forgot!!!! the wonderful banana choc cake with vanilla icecream scoop on top!!!!

excited!

本小姐明天去KL 啦！今天晚上在朋友家过夜，不知道会不会睡觉! haha! so looking forward to all the food! *mmmm....

people's rashness can create problems

apparently my client called me to say she deleted a entry from GL, which was coming from AR. just like that!!?? according to her the amount was suspicious and had nothing to do with her transactions.... my guess is actually she did not look into the entry and brashly deleted just because the figure doesn match! she shd have called me b4 doing anything, especially when she isnt particularly good at double entries.. !!
now i just need to call her and prove my fears correct, that her GL and AR is not matching!! and to find out the entry that she deleted... oh my gosh, i'm so not looking forward to that process.... sigh*

~moral of the story: DO NOT delete anything u're not sure, and always drill down to look at the transactions first, understand the process system b4 u touch anything!

我就是不妥协！

~
根我讲妥协，如果不亲愿就不要咯。。。真是的！
我就是不妥协。我知道自己要做的事就好。。。

gian's bb girl

yupz, today Gian showed us a video of her baby girl, oh she's so cute! She looks so much like Gian, as wat vince said, "of course la! is from the same factory ma!" LOL
the joy was simply indescribable in the pictures, esp the proud smiles of the parents...
then nancy mentioned abt remembering wat i said, "noella, u said u wanted to marry and have a child, haha!"
I reply, "yea, haha, but still long la..."

~
nuff said...

你的原因，我的原因

~
是啦，你的原因差不多全对，而我的原因差不多都只是借口。对你来说，我只是无理取闹，刁蛮任性。
唉，有时候，我有点厌倦，想起自己的理想情人。你的确离我的理想蛮遥远的，可是我觉得和你在一起是很快乐的。所以及时我觉得多厌倦，我还是很珍惜我们之间的感情！

好了，我不想在说了。。。终至我也有我的原因。。。

~

stubbornness and something else

yes, i am as stubborn as u... u are the reasonable one, while i'm often not... i guess it all runs in the girl gene... anyways, ur students can change their tuition schedule anytime, and it may cause u to need to postpone some of ur personal stuff(if u have any), this is also unreasonable... especially if it is so last min... does it mean that because it affects their household, they can just simply get away with it... don u have ur own commitments as well, unless, those commitments are non-existent...
anyways, i too, want to do certain things, i do not have to stick to u every day, even if i do miss u... we all need some personal space, even if u dun agree...

today, u showed ur irritation becos i did not wan u to switch channel.. i was watching a taiwanese entertainment show, which u dun like at all... (i'm thinking is because u dun understand it, and u dun find it enjoyable because u're prob thinking that they're trashy, but i do like it!) and i'm already foreseeing that we'll have numerous quarrels over the choice of tv shows.... sigh... which leads me to upsets abt our vast differences...
*tsk... i dunno... seriously.... wat can be done...?

example would be, if u have a show u wanted to watch, and i have a show at that time too, it gets worse if we only have one tv... but if we have 2 then problem solved... but..... if u insists on having my company, then i noe i'm gonna get pissed, becos i'm gonna miss my show... on the other hand, if i insists on ur company(which i dun think will happen cos im finally going to let go off the fact that ure nvr gonna appreciate watever chinese show i like), then ure gonna be irritated and resentful...
i guess the best possible way ard this prob would be to leave each other alone then, considered personal time... (will that happen? cos wj, u have said that u would not leave me to watch tv alone...) sighs........
so thats y i would prefer my other half to share more common interests with me... but.... its too late for that.... one could only wish........

pines dinner

today i had two first times... one is first time eating teppanyaki, seeing the chef doing all the frying, and second is first time eating goose liver!
yea, it was nice looking at how the chef cooked the food, all the funny antics, and of course i did learn some stuff on the sly haha! it was very entertaining and i didn ever laugh so much over a meal in my entire 22 n half years of my life... plus i was pretty high on sake... so yup, u can imagine...
and the goose liver... seriously i've nvr ever liked liver of any animal, (duck/pig/cow)... when i heard that the first dish the chef was preparing was goose liver, i was close to saying damn out loud, luckily i didn... the dish looked really good, and i was psycho-ing myself to try it, and wj said i shd also... and so i bravely took the first bite.... *ooh! it was good!!! because it didnt taste very liver-ish, i actually liked it, plus the way the chef cooked it with the sauce... *mmm... thats all i can think of in my mind... LOL!
the rest of the dishes were fantastic beyond words! the salmon, the beef, the big prawn,the oyster egg, walala!! thinking back to those were so good!!!!
a pity i'm nt the camera toting kind of girl, otherwise i could have taken pics of the dishes and loaded them to this blog(once i do noe how to do it that is!)
yea, it was all in all, a great great GREAT dinner, thanks to wj's uncle! 3 cheers!!!

expressing urself thru watever means

yes, wj wants to noe how to sing, and he's upset he cant sing... u noe wat i think? i think everyone can sing, just open ur mouth and let ur song out... there's only the difference between singing and singing WELL...

he wants to sing well, and he wants ppl to appreciate his singing, that is the truth of the matter, nt that he cant sing! the only ppl who cant sing are the physically challenged, they cant even speak for that matter!!

i noe he really appreciates that i can sing, but he doesn realise that i, too also appreciate his abilities, and sometimes get upset that i cant do it? he can create stuff, write stuff, is a deep thinker who is really mature abt all kinds of issues, has his own opinions abt things... i wish to be like that too, but i noe, i cant! cos we all have our limitations/weaknesses. We are God's creation and i think God does not wan everyone to be similar to everyone, machiam like some factory manufacturing.

i'm thinking if everyone is perfect in watever they want, wat will the world be like?? i think there could be more rivalries, more conflicts because ppl noe that they are perfect, they have every skill that they need, so why shd i let u win or let u get that coveted position in the organization? (something along those lines...)

because of ppl's limitations, there is a flurry of different activities, ranging from road-sweeping, cleaning, odd job labouring, construction, to art drawing, dancing, musicians etc.. because ppl have to live with their limitations, and make use of their strengths!

do not think that just because they are considered lowly kind of jobs, they can be looked down upon... can u imagine a world without cleaners??? we will need to pick up after ourselves and be more responsible for our actions like littering! our place cannot be as conducive for a living environment!

so back to the "sad" issue of not being able to express urself, to me that is quite bull... i noe i cant write well, but yet i'm writing in this blog, abeit expressing myself badly, but i dun give a damn...
i'm writing out watever is in my mind, and u noe my mind is nvr organised. it jumps from one pt to another, with nothing to link each other..
the fact is only expressing urself to get ppl's appreciation is the point... its nvr abt the point of "oh i cant express myself through this/that." wanting ppl to appreciate u is perhaps one of the hardest things, coming from me who often feels unappreciated by ppl ard (besides wj). at certain times when i think back, i feel so hurt and pained, sadness washes over me like some tsunami.... but i also get over it quickly, especially after a cry.... or i will self talk myself out of it...

SO, self talk is very impt, and is as crucial as discovering ur strengths and making full use of them... or so i'm hoping i can develop, I WILL!

each have each set of problems

yea, u look at any famous stars, u can see that on the surface, they are all glitzy, elegant, fun etc..
u long to be like them, always having opportunities to beautify themselves, to do acting and hosting, especially travel shows where they get to enjoy different countries' scenery, foods, culture and so on... u see on tv that they go to all the exotic places u can ever dream of, wow! fantastic huh?

but deep down, these famous stars can be just tired souls, overworked to be overpaid, and no time to actually sit down to enjoying their vast amounts of wealth... worse, whoever they go out with, rumours will spread like wildfire, something innocent can become toxic.. the amount of pressures they have to put up with to shield themselves from the media glare can be so insurmountable, no wonder some stars can injure themselves, suffer from depression, get hooked on drugs or even committing suicide!

so, we can dream of becoming famous stars enjoying the high life, but we also should noe that they may wan to be "normal" like us too... 所以羡慕是羡慕不来的！

篮球的位置

篮球的五个位置分别是：小前锋（SF），大前锋（PF），中锋（C），控球后卫（PG）和得分后卫（SG）。

我个人蛮喜欢控球后卫。可能是因为我渴望有那种快的步伐，目光尖锐得能看到其他人在球场上的位置，并且准确的传球给那个人， 这种特质。
另外，我也欣赏小前锋。因为 he is the most well-rounded and versatile player and can alternate between the roles as and when the need arises. （haha, abit hard to describe in chinese!)

篮球火加上我男友的最爱让我产生了点儿兴趣。哈哈！

言唉言。。。。

~
为何要这么执著？还不都是一样。。。
SQL 也好，pervasive 也好，目的就是要系统操作正常。
况且训练的时候，她都不用知道setup 是怎么样做的。

真是奇怪了！
~

今天找到吴尊和蒋仪的布落格，不错！！
吴尊长得实在太完美了，蒋仪也蛮标准。。。
我真的还蛮欣赏他们俩的。
哈哈！

getting in touch...

yes, i'm getting in touch with the self that expresses in chinese, it has been ages since i last wrote in that language! i found it easier to say wat i'm feeling, to express myself in chinese... think thats my specialty....

ppl do not noe i'm very good in chinese, simply because i cant speak it well... sometimes i find it strange, why is it that i cant speak out wat i think? its as if there is some kind of traffic congestion between my brain and my mouth, but nt between my brain and hand haha!

anyways, i would really like to alternate between chinese and english, so wj if ure reading this, u can skip those entries.. firstly u mite not noe how to read, or even if u do, u prob dun noe wat i mean... so yea haha! :D

常言道。。。+故事

~
是的，谁没有自私的时候呢？你说我自私，只想着自己的不便，但你何尝有想过？
你要我照你的话去做，你就不自私吗？
你觉得自己的方法是最好的，难道其他人的想法就可以至之不理吗？

我就是要选择自己的路。

~
我想要大鹰和W 的最后结果
就是他们可以快乐的在一起
不管教练-学员的关系
不管高度的关系
也不管W的病情恶化。

W实现了篮球梦，更有爱情的滋纴
所以她的病奇迹般的康复了！
大鹰发现自己并非爱洁儿，
他心里是有W的！
因为W 每一次都在他难过的时候在他的身边。
是的，W 和大鹰相恋了！！

不知谁的名言 哈哈！

~
必须学习活在当下，而且是要幸福快乐为第一标准，
不能让其他人阻挠你的快乐，
不能让自己后悔，
也不能为他人惜牲太多，
因为这可能是失去自己的最大理由。

hooked on different dramas

now i'm rewatching dou niu yao bu yao again.. haha! i was bored at home on sat, had originally wanted to surf the internet for youtube videos.. but... i just couldn connect to my home wireless... so... i had to settle to rewatch the dramas i have in my hard-drive...

shen ruohe is so shuai la! haha, and he looks a cute couple with yi sheng xue, LOL... the funny moments they have, and the love they developed is quite touching also, plus some dou niu scenes which are uber cool, hehe!

anyways i tried to ask wj to watch it with me... and... ya failed... he only can accept nodame, which to me is also the same type of drama i watch... not much difference.. anyways its prob the theme and language... chi language prob turns him off already... esp if there isnt subtitles (i also watched a taiwanese variety ep in youtube, apparently he had a hard time understanding, and so it didn amuse him as much as it did for me.. but... in the drama there was...)... and thematically there's not so much basketball to interest him.... so ya...


hai, why do i need him to enjoy anyways? cant i just enjoy on my own..? independence, independence... sharing the enjoyment i have is nt an option with someone almost entirely opposite from u... other things can share... ha...

anyways, i can love the drama on my own, swoon over the love stories of the characters, be obsessed with the OST etc... and no one need to noe or comment that i'm siao watever...

its just me and totally me.... hmm... good idea... so i shant "force" wj to watch dramas with me anymore...

shangrila lunch

woo~ i had the most luxurious lunch, haha! to be more specific it was at shangrila...

after my wonderful pack of lies to almost everyone, i took a cab down and was welcomed by a hotel usher or bellboy whichever fits...

wow! machiam i'm some kind of rich taitai going for some lunch or something... LOL

i really enjoyed the dishes even though the variety was not fantastic, but the atmosphere was great! having a cup of tea with many flavoured flowers or fruits, and then enjoying the sashimi and the cakes, mmmm.... must thank wj's parents for tis opportunity.. haha!

while i was eating, i was also dreamy abt the hotel rooms... so flowery and close to nature, its so super nice! too bad there wasn much to walk ard, unlike raffles hotel, got some small shops there (from wat i can remember) but the reception area is still really elegant-looking, with the huge chandeliers thing hanging down...

wah la, how many times can one step into such a grand place?? perhaps once or even never...

so sick last nite

yea, after so much anger and tears with extreme sniffling, i felt horribly sick last nite with a throbbing headache... i went to the toilet and also puked, nothing came out.. only air..

then i couldn go bac to sleep because of the pain, when i finally did, i was awoken by the sweet melody of my alarm... Thank God the headache was gone, but my eyes were superbly sleepy... i had to force myself to go and wash up b4 work...

i dun care, later i'm going to have some sleep...
~

wat got me so riled up last nite was wj's attitude, and he says its my fault, yea yea is my black moody face he doesn like...

wat he doesn noe (and i dun need him or anyone else to noe) is that i've gotten better after awhile and even better after my dinner, plus the fact that i prayed and i could feel my anger disappear. but he had to refuse to tok to me when i went up. i did not want to feel angry so i decided to take my stuff and leave.

he had to call me and command me to go up and even said he was controlling his temper/violence. That kinda shook me up and started me thinking will he hit me in the future when we are married... i then smsed him and then consequently went up. i was so pissed off, i could feel myself hating him to the core..

i just let fly my rage and shouted at him, the emotion and tears that burst out kinda surprised me when i think bac on this incident. anyways, the whole issue was eventually resolved. but at the cost of my well-being... i really dun wan to be so emotional till i get sick...

yeah, i guess my condescending tone is to blame.... even though it doesn necessarily reflect my actual emotion, no one else could possibly noe, except me and God. so yesh, even if the whole world hates me, should i even give a damn?

ya, fine, i will zip my mouth the next time... and let ppl's misunderstanding of me snowball... i will still hopefully tok in a calm tone (even if ppl dun think so) i dun see the point of trying to convince others about hw i'm feeling or how i should feel... especially from the ppl closest to me... think of me whichever way, as long as i noe i'm nt feeling that way then its fine... God only noes and loves me entirely for who i am, i believe he doesn even get angry with me for being moody... simply because i'm his beautiful creation... Amen to that!

ended up not going anywhere

too bad, i wanted to see the china office, heard that it is very nice... but then vince said didn need so many ppl to go down to do the installation and plus there was some unhappiness going on, something abt miscommunication on the delivery of the hardware (along those lines...)
and..............
karen said that the QMT project dun need us to go down for the discussion also... damn, i had seriously wanted to listen, cos frankly speaking, if i were to implement the project next time, i need to noe wat i shd discuss... if only lim could bring a voice recorder along or something.. hah!

yea, so i'm in the office typing away.... and trying out crystal...again...

tomoro's installation at china + chaotic thoughts....

haha, tomoro going down with karen and lim to install MSSQL, finally get to see how this is done! so now i'm gonna get down to studying the intricacies... yawn... i stilllllll prefer pervasive...

~
ignored,
not knowing wat to say,
i can only sit in a corner,
observing,
wondering,
thinking,
is this true,
that i'm disliked,
despised,
unwanted

God forbid
wat am i really thinking?
wat if i am despised by almost everyone,
does it even matter?

as long as i'm happy,
with myself, with the world
at peace in Christ
nothing else should matter,
absolutely nothing

People's opinion?
sheer nonsense?
gossip?
i will say this is purely humbug

to change myself for the world
to lose oneself in the pursuit of
getting most people's understanding,
indeed total foolishness!

at the end of it all,
me, myself and only i
will suffer,
and for the sake of wat?
nothing.

i'm hooked to the hotshot OST

in slight continuation to my earlier entry, while i was doing excel, i was also listening to the hotshot OST... absolutely the whole day cos i kept repeating it... dunno why, but i can really not be sick of the music... haha! reminds me of a fren who also has this habit, except hers is slightly more extreme, she can listen for that one song for the whole day.... (at least the OST has 13 songs haha!)

actually its also one of my quirky habits, if i really love the drama, i will also love the drama OST.. and i mean absolutely loving it, can repeat it many many times on my player.. haha! at least till i FINALLY grow tired of it or become interested in new dramas... hehe! (now as i'm typing away on this entry, i'm still listening... "yea i am superman... yea you're the loser...")

i guess the reason why i'm so hooked to drama OSTs is cos i can relate to the songs, when the particular song plays, the scene also replays in my mind :) especially the romantic touching kind of scenes... haha!

think wj will go mad, if i keep playing the same kind of music!! haha, so this will be my private affair btw me and my music player... muahahahha

the irritant of financial reports

i was busy for the last 2 days because of financial reports, busy formatting in excel so that when they are run, they can display the figures according to the person's request. oh my gosh, just think, yest i was doing it the whole day at the client's office, and today another full day in my own office, thank God for teamviewer! after i'm done checking the formats, i finally sent them over and saved in their server!

imagine, they have 9 companies and each company has at least 3 reports! i have formatted at least 27 reports for them, really phenomenal man! All by myself with no help from my senior (besides when i asked thye how to fix the format), great! so now, im taking a break and writing this entry... and waiting to meet up with wj later...

tomoro is another day of learning, asset management module...

wj coming bac today + my unhappiness with the messy...

yea, today wj is coming bac from phuket :) wonder if he got anything for me, food also good! haha!

anyways, today i'm going down to tanjong pagar again, to try and complete the training.. apparently i regretted volunteering to go down there with my senior... the training was so brief that it mite as well not have been carried out, plus the fact that there is lots of interruptions coming from phone calls, emails, msn etc.... it was one of my worst training sessions!

i very much prefer a proper full day training, whereby i can go through the whole structure and flow so as not to miss out any impt thing... hai... oh well, i just need to adapt to that lady who will most prob call in often anyways... so yea....

hotshot - the power of love....

i'm hooked to the series hotshot. The thing that touches me most is the love btw the characters. this girl jie-er, grew to love basketball because of this guy dong fang xiang and apparently because of the differences in their status (servant and master), she finds it hard to spend time with him given the pressures... and she trained hard in street bball enduring the jeers from guys and pains of violent play for quite some years so that she becomes the masked companion of dong fang xiang... then comes this yuan da ying who loves her so much that he willingly becomes a human cushion for dong fang xiang's violent nemesis.... this triangular love really hooked me... haha (of course wj will think that love is so over-rated in dramas, but i dun care... i sucker for these!)

not only is the love, but also the lame humour that i like... haha... yuan da ying is so arrogant in his speech often saying "ben da ye" aka the Great Me... but deep down he noes that he's not that good in talent...that is until he develops to his full potential...

overall, its a good drama for girls, wanting to look at cute guys and for guys to oogle at the female bball instructor with the long legs.. haha!

marriage and starting a family

i guess, since i'm at this topic, i mite as well expand on my idea of wat it means to be married..
to me, married is quite a huge transition in life, y do i say that? its because u suddenly let a person into ur life, nt as a bf/gf but as a spouse, who will live with u and do most things with u.... this can become an obstacle if u discover that ur longtime partner absolutely differs from ur idea of a spouse... for eg. u cannot do anything u like or watever u like whenever u like cos ur spouse mite not like it... u hav to start considering his/her feelings.. arguments may start and then the whole marriage mite start to go downhill from there... also when u decide/ not decide to have a kid, the responsibilities just pile up!

yes, wj says marriage is but a piece of paper, but i still think...u have to be mentally prepared...

old peoples.........

~
As one gets old, the natural things start coming in, forgetfulness, naggyness, insecurities, worries, physical manifestations like illnesses and wrinkles and so on...

yes, when one gets old, one will reminisce about their past, how fun and energetic they were when they were kids, going out to play and getting into all kinds of mischief... but they never say they enjoy old age, never been happy and always griping about their aches and pains...

no wonder, everyone fears aging and tries every way and means to stay young, look youthful etc.

although i'm only in my early 20s, i feel that age is catching up... suddenly i hear of frens stepping into the next milestone of their lives, either getting married or being a mum!
wow i think to myself, i feel that i haven even grown up mentally, although physically am already there... time just flies..... wat will i feel when i step into the next milestone? how can i manage all the responsibilities of a household when i'm still like a kid myself?

somehow, maybe.... i'll suddenly grow up when i'm married and have a kid of my own... sometimes, its all in the hormones.... or sometimes, circumstances force us to become "stronger"
in character because of the added responsibilities... or mayb its also the power of LOVE... because you love ur partner and ur child, u will protect and care for them as much as possible...

~

yup, just some innermost thoughts, however jumbled...

the wonder abt one of the world's greatest inventions...

~
the computer,
one of the world's greatest inventions
is but one logical mess,
programming, settings,
and all the fuss,
to make it work out
calculations upon calculations
statistics with statistics
and many more
also but one stupid mess,
if any command goes wrong
everything caves in
~

yeah, just because of certain settings, a program fails to work on the all wonderful pc... administrator rights and the like, windows firewall, antivirus software that blocks almost everything suspicious even seemingly useful programs etc. makes the pc look like the world's stupidest invention ever... Grr....
apparently i was having problems with accpac when i did remote connection... thus goes the frustration with IT into this entry...

additional stress

yes, i feel stressed everytime wj brings up the fact that i need to make a firm stand against my mum... he wants to noe how committed i am to it, and even questions me hypothetically, which can frustrate me so much that i just dun want to tok to him... yes, call me weak watever... but i do wan to mend my relationship with my mum... its so hard as it is already, and he doesnt understand it... he claims he does, which i say to myself "u're nt even me...how would u noe..."

yes, she will lose her temper if i go out often, and i do wan to avoid that... u noe why? because i'm afraid for myself, afraid that i will lose my own temper and become so emotional and irrational... who noes i mite do things that i will later regret... till i can successfully understand her and tok to her in a calm and rational way, i do not want to affect the status quo...

yes, wj pushes me to the edge, he wants me to step out to the unknown, watever... i can only say i will try... whenever i become angry, i will pray... it helps cos i cast all my cares and worries to God, i noe God will take care of it... anyways, i hope our relationship will not be affected by my negative emotions, wj understands (with fingers crossed)

of course, i wont expect him to agree with me praying to get out of situations... he mite even think me foolish... but its abt me and God and no one else..

another uni fren's wedding

saw my uni fren's wedding pics on facebook so sweeeeeeeeeettttttttt.... makes me feel like getting married too... haha!

then comes the question.. wats my dream wedding gonna be like?? i wan it simple, yet romantic, and exotic even... of course, a dream is a dream is a dream... hehe... the usual custom would be like to ROM, followed by 1 yr of preparation for wedding, usually in some hotel ballroom, on that day itself, tea ceremony, and then in the evening will be the wedding dinner...

well, this is the usual procedure, but i'm thinking i wan to reduce the hassle, like instead of a wedding dinner, can have a wedding lunch...

actually i also have jitters about getting married although is super sweeeeetttt and i wan it to happen (like duh!). cos its gonna be a organizational nitemare... imagine wat u have to do, plan the guest list, the venue, the wedding dress selections, the picture taking, on that day itself that everything goes smooth, and God noes wat else!

hmmmm, i just hope that i will be kept sane after all that is through! :\

monsters vs aliens

yest after my hokien mee dinner (long long time since ive eaten...mmm...), went to watch movie "monsters vs aliens". It wasnt the best movie i've watched, but it suits my lame taste just fine! i laughed like nobody's business, but then i could hear the whole cinema laughing too, so i din feel out of place... best of all, wj laughed so loud i could hear him perfectly.. LOL :D
overall it was another enjoyable nite out! hehe

aloof and impatient folk

~
yes, i hate talking to such aloof and impatient people cos it simply makes u feel bad... but i dun have a choice..

"so wat do u want me to do?" he asks me

in my heart, i was thinking... "i'm not so sure..."

i said, "jon asked me about it, who's doing the remote testing and i was quiet"

"and so wat do u want me to do? talk to Danny again?" brusquely comes the reply.

resignedly, i said, "i'll email Danny then till he settles the remote problem, thanks"

the conversation then ends....

~
so i simply dun like to speak with this senior, he's the last person whom i would likely ask a question actually... and the thing is there's no point feeling bad even if i have to ask him, its simply his nature of dealing with stuff... straight to the point... so straight like an arrow being released (passes through my body and hurling me to the ground, in the comical sense) and hurting ppl in its path.... ha!

poem dedicated to my curry chicken noodles....

~
steamy, spicy
warm and fragrant,
just so nice,
i miss its tasty,
tender is the chicken,
strong is the curry smell
slurp-worthy is the noodles
yummy yum yum

love it,
miss it,
kiss it,
but it ceases,
no more there,
no more anymore,
no more to satisfy
my curry noodle cravings

my best dinner ever!

last nite, had dinner with wj cousins.... wow! it was like the best ever meal, my very first time eating puffer fish! puffer fish leh!!!! omy goodness, must remove the poisonous parts well, otherwise dangerous! and it really was nice, taste like ba kwa and wooh, i like it!

the sashimi was just...FABULOUS! had the chance to eat tuna belly which one slice costs a bomb... it was truly mouth melting man, cant even begin to describe how good the whole dish was! the salmon slices and wat not... *wooooo.... LOL:D

and i ordered terriyaki cod, wow wow wow, can taste the freshness of it all, its just simply irresistible! really reminds me of the steamed cod i ate at chinatown with nancy and co. hmm~

the century egg tofu and chawamushi with sharks' fin was GREAT, nothing short of fantabulous! and to end off the wonderful meal, we had icecream, mine was sesame, while wj's green tea, and of course i "kopped" some of wj's...HAHHA!

Overall, its a thumbs up for every dish! 5 stars (okok 10 stars!!!) WEE!

a certain calmness settles

~
yes, there are just some things that i can do.... i can be rid of all my past resentments and look to the present and the future with happiness...

i can carry myself forward despite the hurtful things she said... in full understanding that every hurtful word in the world comes from a heart filled with anger....

i can understand that her illness comes from all the worries and stresses... the inability to let go of her control of authority, her need to feel respected...

i can understand my inability to let go of my ego, to talk nicely to her, wanting to prove her wrong all the time, while in the process actually proving her rite....and refusing to admit it (the theory of resistance)

recognising all these, i feel a sense of calmness, like being closer to God :)
~

a waste of tears...

i started a battle which i'm unable to win.... guess wat? its a battle between the mother and the daughter... yes! a battle doomed to failure even from the beginning, but nonetheless i can only do my best, and "die", rather than becoming a captured slave....

~
One says,
"the doctor said my stomach cells are changing, i must keep happy and cannot be angry or upset"
"im willing to listen to you but u have to put it across in a gracious diplomatic way, not confrontational like u're in ntu debating with ur groupmates"
"dont question me like that, wat ifs..its like shooting bac darts at me now"
"nancy said you are a nice girl, make sure u bring it home to ur parents"
"you have no love for anyone, ur parents or brothers"
"wat must u say?"
"do u mean it"


two says,
"ya, ok, yes...."
"oh so u want me to say sorry, i'll say it, so..rrry..."
"i.. m.ea..n.. it...."

two resolves to continue this battle all the way.... God, u are my strength... Amen...

differences btw a girl and a guy

~
1) girl: i msn him, how come he dun reply? wish him luck and he ignores....
guy: accidentally close window, * busy studying for exams

2) girl: why he doesn msn me first, always is me?
guy: i dun notice she's online, besides its better face to face, can hug and kiss and make out *then smiles devilishly

3) girl: why do i always sms him first b4 he replies, doesn he think of me, doesn he wonder wat i'm doing?
guy: aiya, i dun like to sms, also nothing to say, plus point 2

4) girl: why i wait for his reply sms will take sooooo long?
guy: dun hav phone with me, sleeping, watching movie, went to play ball, went to toilet, thinking of a reply....

funny vids i saw...

ahahaha! damn funny, sung by three koreans

touch my body: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMxjFu0ueKc&feature=related

always be my baby: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7oGx2dImE8

we belong together: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBDoIn3BcbY&feature=related

still the usual kind of jokers....and there's many more on youtube, so go check them out urselves...

viruses (not the H1N1)

my goodness, i kena viruses again!! that company's databases are screwed up man, no matter where they are, raffles place or keppel! luckily this time i was brilliant enuf to call up my scanning b4 i opened my thumbdrive... dun anyone there do any virus scanning??? sheesh!

for the last 5min of the working day

~
as the minutes creep by,
so my heartbeat ups by,
going, going and then gone!
2minutes... 1minute...
the light-heartedness,
the euphoria,
of a working day just gone!

~
YIPPEEE! off work it is! :)

btw right and wrong, there is...

recently watched a interesting hk drama "catch me now". The story is essentially about police and thieves but the "thieves" are modern day robinhooders.

it questions the fact that if criminals cannot be punished by the law due to the lack of evidence, should others step in to right this unfairness, by using drastic and somewat criminal-like methods to bring justice to those who rightly deserve?

this is the so-called grey area which is wide open for any debate. if u were to look at it in both ways, those who say yes to robinhooders want justice to be given no matter wat, while those naysayers may say that these robinhooders are putting it on themselves to mete out punishment. the question then comes, how do the robinhooders gauge how much punishment to give? this power of meting out punishment could probably corrupt their minds, and give them false impression that they have the final judgement..? hmmm, i'm nt too sure....

a dialogue btw 2 persons.....

~
"you come home so late, not safe!" says one.
"but i've got company!" says two.
"you have company so what?! Can company you to the doorstep meh?!"
"if there is a need, doorstep can...!"
"still not safe...."
*one grumbles under her breath and pauses a while...

with renewed vigor, one continues
"and coming home late is bad for ur health! especially bathing so late, next time (#touch wood) grow old can get rheumatism! and you dun have enuf rest!"
two shakes her head and mutters under her breath
"i'm not gonna listen cos u're unreasonable"

and both rests for the nite..... ..............

eating at billy bombers for wj's bdae!

yupz, wj reminded me that we had discount vouchers from billy bombers, and so we went there fr his bdae :) but it kinda got off to a bad start since i was picky and particular abt its value for money... i could sense his frustration as i thumbed through the menu and which also got me irritated and upset. However, when the milkshake was served and i sipped the first mouthful, my mood was lifted...

we had a terrific meal! wj had his multi-level burger which was messy to eat and totally sinful (thinking about how many calories and how much exercise he has to do), while i had steak which expended a lot of my energy to cut and chew (my fingers were hurting from gripping the knife too hard and my mouth slightly suan from all the chewing) and it was good! he enjoyed his meal so much he gave the gourmet handsign (ok sign slighted tilted near the lip) haha!!

After dinner, we went to watch angels and demons. it was a good movie and kept me excited throughout! i haven watched such an exciting movie in a long while :D yea i forgot the story cos i read the book sometime ago, but wj told me some details which refreshed my memory somewhat lol!

anyways a otherwise beautiful nite was marred by a call from my mum, who scolded me saying i shouldn come home so late every nite blah blah blah... "this is the last time, i wont allow it!"
i'm intending to ignore this unreasonable demand, God help me!

today's special

haha, today is wj's 23rd bdae, yup, i'm going to treat him to dinner.. but where?? somewhere that is affordable (still sore abt my throwing $$ into the deep sea!) hmmm, mayb later we go check out the place then see how... oh yea, there's this jap place at tm1, but i can foresee that it will be super crowded (wooh, i can see the future...wahahhaha)

my wishes

~
i wish that i could fly all over the world, to see the sights, to hear the sounds, to consume every type of glorious food, to smell the nature...

i wish i could turn back time, to the times when i was young, innocently childlike and fun to have around with frens, playing at the playground, swinging madly on the monkey bars, playing catching in the sand...

i wish i could be creatively intelligent, to create my own stories or games or anything fun, to sing really well, to play musical instruments, to dance freely, to draw caricatures or anything arty, to form my own opinions, to give arguments convincingly, to outtalk people who appear to be reasonable, to create solutions to simple life problems...

i wish i knew wat i wanted in my life, my goals or accomplishments besides God and wj....

i wish..... and i can only wish.......

all about the stormy clouds

~
i could see, even with the window blinds, that the weather looks dark. Gloomy clouds floating in the skies, reflecting my deepest, darkest fears...

of what? i think to myself. what am i exactly afraid of? the feeling of abandonment, the loneliness that surrounds my heart, or the fact that i am just a paranoid person?

yes, i shake my head to clear these thoughts which are simply senseless, just a distraction to my task of looking out the window and appreciating the raindrops pattering away on the sill. The rumbling of thunder just further ahead in the horizon. Waiting, just waiting...

last nite while i lie in bed..

last nite when i was lying in bed, i was thinking of ways to occupy myself, for example doing some writing... but then i tot to myself, wat can i write, poetry?? stories???? i dun have any interesting experiences to share, nor a rich imagination, or somehow i outgrew it when i reached JC.. hmmm... or mayb... i could just type out anything here since i'm the only one who mite read bac and laugh abt it.... so... even if is junk or things that dun make sense, i can jus type it all in here... but whoever happens to come in here, sorry u have to put up with this s***
;d

ok so here it goes:

As i sit in front of the comp,
my head could only swim with figures
watever that debits, credits
watever that pluses will also minus,
so its all in the process,
the accounting process
oh, that process that confuses,
rages auditors and the like
but it is all necessary
to fuel the business madness

happy news from my colleague

karen just now told me a good news, that she's bac together with ian! thats great! and wat she told me was that ian had received Christ without telling her! lol! she said she did not want him to do this because of her, and that he genuinely wants Jesus into his life... and he admitted that at first he did so to get her back, but after listening to the sermon, he really wanted it... i was happy for her too!

well, sometimes, i wish that wj could do that too... to genuinely accept God into his life... but this i leave it to God..

this also got me thinking, like sometimes, i wan wj to do certain things but nt for me only, and that he is interested also... however this is tough, nearly impossible cos we are worlds apart in 80% of our interests, like his love for anime and manga, his philosophical viewpoints, his english dramas/movies etc.

is hard to get him to like wat i like, and he said b4 that he will do so if i wanted him to, but the point is he does not genuinely like it... and he has strong opinions which i wont/unable to argue..
so although i feel sad at times, i just gotta let it be, cos we are sooooooooooooo different, it just makes it harder to figure out how we even get together and lasts so long (it casts doubts in my mind abt our future together...)

anyways, this is again me rambling... though i digress from my happiness for my fren :)