back from HK!

yes! i'm back from hk, today marks one week from the time i flew off from here :D wow, time flies but at the same time i feel that i have done so many things in that one week.... 1 week was equivalent to 2 weeks! LOL
since i'm busy now, ive to come out from this entry
just one sentence ~ "HK and MACAU ROCKS!!!" :DDD

today is coming to an end :)

today is gonna be the start of my 9 day long (or should i say 8 days) hiatus from work :))) going off to macau and hongkong next week from 21-26th, yeeha! can feel the excitement creeping back in and plus now work is more relaxed. just previously i was mad with myself for missing out many things for my client, but most of that (i hope!) is over...

tonite will be watching tron in 3d. i dun really like to watch 3d stuff because it feels taxing for my eyes, plus the glasses constant slipping down my nose irritates the hell out of me, i find myself unable to enjoy the movie experience fully.
ah well, i guess its fine cos the special effects are supposed to be good..?

wanted to watch narnia/ranpunzel but the timing is really bad... and i have work tomoro (ya, its a sat and i'm still going down to customer place) so there's that....

everyday passes so quick

scary, everyday seems to be passing so fast. recently met up with 2 frens, and i was telling them that by now i'm not looking forward to counting how old i am... as i recalled i was excited when i finally reached 21 and was happily counting up 17,18,19,20,21! the magic 21! but rite after, when i started working, i realised that 22, 23 and 24 is coming rite up in the next few days seems scary... i noe how my mum feels.... and really i'm not exactly keen to keep track of my age. no wonder, women say that age is a secret, i believe that somehow it comes to the point where when someone asks abt their age, they had to minus of from their birthdate to give the correct answer! so they mite as well save this trouble... lol, and i'm beginning to do that! OMG >.<

rite, shall end now, before i become all so complainy about getting older....

freedom is mine, again!

haha, yepz, my parents are away in china for 9 days, so the house is mine... muahaha.. and also been religiously finding ways to exercise be it climbing up stairs at mrt stations wherever possible, walking extra bit longer... lol
but it feels really good, after sweating it out! it definitely has something to do with hormones heheh ;)

abt work, going down to a customer place with a senior helps me to learn better, esp when he's patient and will explain to me if i have any queries. best of all, i can learn how to interact better with my customers. my senior's really good!

and later i'm going down to another customer's place alone.. hoping to be able to practise on wat ive learnt and plus recently been PMS-sy, really wishing i can be as patient as i can be... she's an auntie afterall.... oh welllllll....

:|

yeah, im on a diet

ive been on a diet for about a few weeks, tryin to make a point to exercise everyday. of course it is good that ive committed to a goal of losing to 50kg. now i think ive lost ard 1kg or so. its tough, but at least i noe i'm now a lil' healthier than before rather than the eat, sit and sleep routine.

today i hope to lose another 500g or 1kg if possible. :)

ive put on some weight

yupz, have put on some weight since i came back from port dickson... and tonite's my mum's bdae dinner which is most likely gonna be..... a buffet!!
the thing abt buffets is that one is most likely to overeat, and since i'm uber greedy for food, u noe wat that means... but tonite, i will try to be more disciplined.... to eat less cakes and more fruits....

been so busy i feel sick....

yes, i haven been in here for some time. apparently when one gets busy, one seems carried away by the current of wanting to finish and satisfy customers.
till now i have faced numerous customers, those that are downright irritating as they call you to no end, customers that demand alot from you, customers that are unhappy with the system and wants you to do something about it.
gosh, ive been so stressed that i'm even entertaining thoughts of quitting. wj says my job is not suited for me.... i think... mayb so.... since i cant quite manage customers all that well... but.... i'm also learning.... and boy it is hard. there are times when i'm totally down and out and the only way seems to tell wj about it and then cry it out. at times i wish, there were more seniors i could ask, if not for my slow learning process..
i'm again starting to feel my throat getting itchy. its a sign of sore throat coming... sheesh! and yet a few months back i just nursed a sore throat for 2 weeks... now.... it seems like my body is again protesting about the stress level.
i haven been able to relax fully in a long long time....
i haven also been managing my expectations.... mayb wat wj say is rite... i'm a person with high esteem but ultra low confidence... with the balance of both, i probably wouldn be caught in this stressful state....
sigh....
drink loads water....

ive become more pimply

yes, pimples are popping up now with even more vengeance, and yes, i haven seen dr chan for quite some time... apparently ive been sick for the past 2 weeks, having seen the polyclinic doc twice and a chinese sinseh (mum insisted i go). so... i'll have to wait till i'm done with the chinese med before i can go bac to treat my pimples.... have a lil patience my fren.....
sigh! :(

two books ive been reading

been reading 2 books, "unmerited favor" by pastor joseph prince, and the other was something more secular, "chicken soup for the soul - american idol"
both are inspiring and uplifting and i love these feel-good feelings, lol, i mean duh! who doesn wan to feel good?
anyways, now am at home resting from a croaky voice... will take a nap now... zzzz land....

the tenacity to want to do well

wj mentioned that i shd convert my moodiness into something to help me keep up in my work. ive been thinking about it, as well as praying. and i believe that ive found wat i need. it is useless to moan and complain abt my lack in accounting knowledge, so wat i shd do is to read abt it, learn in my own pace. i shd not bother abt how much i'm picking up or how quick i'm picking up, rather, i shd be happy that i'm constantly learning.

~nobody shd be able to put me down, as i can stand perfect in Jesus. Amen!

last nite's catchup and today's dental visit

last nite i met up with karen, it was great fun, cos we talked almost non-stop as if she didn left the company at all! was still so familiar with our usual joking and bantering. wow, it was truly a blessed nite :)
we exchanged updates on wats happened in our lives and it was amazing that she and i had gone thru some 'storms' and of course we both emerged victorious, thank the Lord as we both agreed haha!
she insisted to treat me to starbucks coffee, which was meant as a blessing, and i told her that ive received a lot of blessings from nancy too! i want to bless them too, but so far, not that much chance (nancy's refusal to allow me to pay, but thankfully karen's not like that lol!)

i haven had a starbucks coffee with a good fren in a long long long while, and have almost forgotten the feeling... the nice warm relaxed feeling... it was good to feel it again :)))


and.... today i went to the dentist, oh my! the some sort of drilling made my teeth really sensitive! i had a gaping hole in my last upper tooth due to the old filling which fell off sometime like 2 mths ago.... so i had no choice but to do this tooth filling.... and 2mths later i'll be scheduled for cleaning... abit phobic abt going to the dentist....

patience my fren....

its something about impatient ppl liking one another.... tis customer of mine seems to always rush into putting down the phone even before i wan to finish wat i have to say.
its just like my bro.... no wonder he likes my bro soooo much.... its pretty irritating and gets on my nerves, but i have to think positive... there are so many kinds of ppl in the world, plus he isn't all that bad to me, just a tad impatient....

actually i do have a mind to tell him to slow down, "patience my man...."
things will be done when they need to be done....

back to original....and even better :)

yup, me and wj are back to normal, or its even better, as after our quarrels we do. except this one which was a defining moment for us, since we both considered whether we should continue our relationship, and had come to a conclusion that we love and need each other.
and to celebrate this moment (amongst other reasons like wj's bdae is coming, plus encouragement for his last lap), i bought a ipod touch for him. the one he wanted, 32gb. he was stunned and shocked but really happy, and i really enjoyed seeing the look of surprise on his face and the happiness was so clearly palpable.

when i recognise ppl's faults, its like a mirror

last nite i realised i have one of my mum's lousy traits, when i saw that she panicked due to her wrong perception of time, and ruined a good dinner meal. it was then i knew that it was like a mirror reflecting the image of myself and clearly it kinda annoyed me... and while i was annoyed, i also felt i shd not b so quick to judge/ overreact.

because i am also guilty of this...
fact is till this day, i'm still (trying) to try to change this panicky feel whenever i'm unsure....even in my line of work while answering to customers' queries...

sometimes i deal with this quite well, but other times (mostly), i can simply lose it and start calling for my senior's help without so much as a thought...

done and resolved (part II)

somehow still feeling the discomfort, though the quarrel is gone, it hasn gotten back to normal.... i'm feeling hesitant abt some things especially wary of how he'll ignore me again (if i force his hand)
keeping more things to myself, thinking before i talk, lest i get ignored again for being quick to reject, quick to react, overeact... and the list can go on...
seriously how did things turn out this way??
since when did i feel this uncomfortable with him? as if my straightforward nature is being shaped to become something no more recognisable by me
am i losing me??
i dun wan to lose him, but do i wan to lose me?
a me that could be a loser, a scared, a angry, a hater me?? all these are the very negative traits, and shd be changed... and change is so painful, its making me so uncomfortable, so unsure....
do i have the strength to get through this change period? LORD! I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH, U ARE MY STRENGTH!

done and resolved

all is done and resolved (hopefully)

in a quarrel who is wrong

now there's this scenario thats bothering me

in a quarrel, person A talks unreasonably, person B storms off
to person A, storming off and ignoring any contact is something that deeply hurts.

person A eventually apologises to person B when she noe wats the main issue
person B assumes the apology because he thinks it is entirely the fault of person A that he responds in the storming manner, and totally disregards person A's hurt.

now wat do u think would be a solution for person A to become "unhurt" again? go figure...

quarrel that mite.....

yepz, just last nite we had a quarrel followed by a cold war which was initiated by wj.
he says he will ignore me if i refuse to listen to him. nw many ppl are asking me to listen to them as well. my mum asking me to listen to her and nt bathe too late, she even asked my aunt to 'nag' at me, which my aunt also wan me to heed that advice.
i hear it, but whether i put it to action is another thing.

hearing is just one ear in and then out, while listening entails hearing and then heeding that advice. on the one hand, i'm really disturbed by what wj is doing but on the other, i'm slowly changing by his 'influence' if he doesn understand that and just blindly wans me to do everything he says in order to get happiness, i dun think i can do that....

his idea is simple, for me to 'defy' my mum, i would even be sure he'll suggest me to go out as late as i wan, go out anytime i wan, learn diving like him, dun say no when he needs me, learn other new skills maybe to also quit my job and go out to try different things, stayover with him as a "trial" before marrage to see if we are suited as lifelong partners, to stay with him after we ROM before we have our customary chinese dinner, the list is likely to be longer....

now if i were to listen to all this, sure, i mite be happy, but will it be for long?
when i noe that i mite put a strain to my family ties, which already isnt really that good, i dun feel good as well, especially when my mum is aging, and frankly speaking not much time left for her before she goes heaven. i surely need not speed things up for her by driving her mad, rite? anyways i could perhaps do some of it but to him, its definitely not alot and not enuf...

of course wj cant understand this "silly" point of mine. if he's reading this, he'll probably be hopping mad, but i'm penning all this down in here, not sure where else i can pour it out....

Lord, i leave this matter into Your hands, my sadness, my anger and hurts, for You are my fortress, my stronghold and forever my protector. Amen!

travelling

when i go travelling (last place was vietnam)i enjoyed the company of wj and his cousins, not thinking of work, just simply taking in the sights and sounds of vung tau a place 2.5 h drive away from ho chi minh.
it was really awesome and a good place to retire to, because of the simple life that ppl there have. the place was so windy because it was near the sea, and u can actually see the crashing waves from a distance. wow, singapore has got nothing to compare with in terms of wind and waves... of course we have build up good breakwaters and so on as a preventive measure, but to feel the wind that strong, it is another whole new experience.
we were also caught animatedly talking abt buying a huge house there and then everyone living in it together, it was a dream and it was something we could perhaps work on... lol
that time, we were just sitting at a riverside cafe and looking across to the huge bungalow, i thought to myself, it would be so nice if i could live right next to the river, even going to the cafe everyday to just relax and do some reading.

~
anyways when i returned back home, i was constantly thinking abt travelling, not sure why, mayb ive been bitten by the travel bug, or have become a bug myself. but of course, i have some limitations, not enuf cash plus not enuf job leaves. so what to do? i started watching travelling shows on channel 16, and imagining myself travelling with the host, this feeling leaves me feeling quite strangely refreshed.
lol, hence my travelling 'addiction' was quenched :)

to have or not to have

sometimes i think that having more does not equal to having more happiness. in fact, having more only creates chances for losing more, so the rich tend to hoard and hoard, of course there are others who are beyond generous (or mayb they have no idea how much effort is put in to earn the excesses that they now have, i'm not sure)
but i for one am quite irrational when it comes to losing my hard earned possessions (or not so many, since i'm really stingy, haha!)thats y i would prefer not to bring any unneccessary valuables overseas as much as possible, however, i'm made to break this rule of mine, because i need to consider for others.
yes, consider for others... sometimes i wonder do we live for others or for ourselves? or mayb is just a delicate balance btw the two, since no man is an island.
or mayb imagine the chaos if we all lived according to our every wish and whim... alas! however swinging to the extreme end, too much consideration for others just means depending ur happiness on others, you do what they want you to do and then when they are happy they show some appreciation, when they are not, they make life pretty miserable for u...
so... how do u make it all balance, that's the million dollar question, and perhaps something that people spend all their lives trying to find out.

some very random thoughts

nowadays when i exit from office and head home, i always look around me in the bus, looking at ppl, looking at the outside scenery, greeted by the evening sky, the beautiful clouds in various shapes and sizes, comforting my very tired eyes.
as i take it all in, and enjoy the ride to eunos station, i can only sigh in content.
as i reach back to pasir ris, i walk along the path surrounded by a grassy patch and continue looking at the sky. with the shadow of the building, and the sky as the background, i feel that everything is so beautiful! if only ppl, including myself can stop and stare into the distance every time, we can all appreciate the beauty of nature, ah! time to go off again!

vietnam trip

yay! cant wait to throw aside work and go to vietnam! been so stressed and tired of converting several customers' older data into the newer version, and training them, but thats the line of my work, but too much routine and tediousness just envelops me and leaves me feeling sick!
thank God that this week i'm feeling free-er and the fact that my looking forward to the vietnam trip just makes my days happier, as though there's nothing in the world to depress me!
haha! just a word to describe my excitement, WOOHOO!

"blink" by malcolm gladwell

recently i went to the library to borrow some books, and i managed to find this book "blink" by malcolm gladwell. ive been wanting to read this book for a long time, and while i was scanning through the library pc, found all the copies on loan. i was disappointed, but not for long. i randomly scanned the book shelves and lo and behold, i saw a copy lying there!! boy was i feeling lucky, LOL
it was fated to be mine for the next 3 weeks, hahahah!
i haven finished it, but i was intrigued by the book.
its basically about how we can act on our instinct/intuition to judge things, or to make snap decisions without overloading our minds with info... pretty interesting read :)

very work filled week

this week is pretty hectic, almost everyday i have to go to customer place either to do installation or training. my database conversion skill is almost perfected LOL
anyways, nothing much going on in my life now that cny is over. its pretty much bac to the routine of everyday life, plus extra stormy due to my touchy temper during my pms days....

An intruder

~
walking alone along the dark path, homeward bound, i was overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness and melancholy. thinking of those who are having fun over cold crab and cranium, i can only sigh and lament inwardly.
perhaps, i was never considered one of them, the ties that bind btw cousins, and me a nobody except through the connection to wj. an intruder true and true, which is why when i'm around, there never seems to have any game playing like taboo.
i'm perhaps just interrupting the fun among the rest, nothing more. something that tells me i'm probably unwelcome. maybe a little oversensitivity on my part, but i'm pretty sure i'm rite
oh, whatever it is, maybe i should be thinking of what i can do on my own, instead of depending on ppl ard me (even wj) to provide the happiness and good cheer, they dont anyways, and probably despise me secretly. i can only say that disappointment with certain ppl hangs in the atmosphere
~

when your partner is ALMOST totally different from you

yepz, my other half is 90% different from me, the only things in common are food, nature and probably basketball.... and thats where the similarity ends...
its pretty sad, because whenever i get hooked to dramas and chinese movies and wish to share something with him, he's not interested in watching it with me... there's no one to share this passion with.. now that i'm still staying with my parents, at least there's my mum i can tok to cos she also gets hooked on them...
however when i'm married, things will become somewhat lonely... haiz oh well wat to do... to love someone who's far from the ideal guy... perhaps i have to endure this loneliness and just get involved in my own passions... i shd be more independent and self satisfied, dun expect too much, for more expectations, come more disappointments..
i guess i can be considered somewhat lucky, some ppl may find their other halves who are so TOTALLY different from one another, and end up totally sad in their marriage, one example would be my parents...
anyways, yea, in my opinion, i still think that if your other half is at least 50% similar in your interests, your relationship would be much better off :)

been with ups and downs recently

ive been emotionally up and down recently, dunno is it the changing of my hormones?? or i'm just troubled with various issues???
the last issue on my mind is someone owing me a whole lot of cash, and my worries that i cant get back the $$
been abit gan chiong about it, and also the fact that it was part of my life's savings, which is itself hard earned! so i dun wan any person i trust to abuse that trust! :(

a book i'm currently reading

now i'm reading this book by danielle steel called 'toxic bachelors'
its pretty interesting about 3 bachelors who meet each other every year for a fun vacation on a yacht. their definition of fun sounded kinda debauchery and mostly sinful however, each of them meets a woman and falls in love. of course they make changes for their women, but these changes did not come easy, and makes good reading and food for thought.
~
aside from reading, something else thats quite random... i'm thinking of getting lasik to correct my sight..... its abt 3k plus and can be cumbersome for that one month after the surgery. shd i really do it?? mayb just before my wedding? LOL

fleeting thoughts

~
are frens meant to be like that? sometimes i wonder.... mayb they do not consider me as their fren, mayb just colleagues and mere acquaintances...

this colleague who was leaving the company took my other 2 colleagues out for lunch and did not inform me... ok.... mayb i shdn even have expected... nowadays (or rather since long time ago), i was visibly left out from their group.. so i guess it was no strange thing that they left for lunch just like that... the thing was that when i asked where they going for lunch, that colleague was evasive and simply said just going out of this place.... well, she wouldn even tell me where they were going.... so what does that mean?
well i guess simply that... i'm not considered her fren... i didn even noe today was her last day till i read her facebook... (apparently i could guess she was leaving earlier from her comments, and of course no mention of it from anyone not even my dad)
okok, i'm just meant to be left out of things... i dun even noe why? its as if when they tell me i'm going to tell everyone else... nopez, i can respect ur privacy as long as u tell me u dun wan to let anyone else noe about this... besides, most of my secrets are told to wj, who keeps everything to himself...
anyways, yea, sometimes it bothers me so much and makes me so unhappy, but..... i guess..... if thats what she (or others) are, why do i even bother about them??? rationally speaking yes, i could jolly well not care about how they treat me and still continue toking to them... but emotionally i feel so..... sad..... like i cant let go of this sad feeling.... even if i can temporarily push them aside or forget them, it will still come back to haunt me...
thats when i become all-so-negative again....
i noe all this about myself, but i have no idea wat i shd do??? what can i do???
~

my headache

i cannot handle facing anyone at the moment, with the headache.... besides, i cant quite bring myself to forget something that happened... someone simply brushing aside something i had formed (or thought i'm trying to form). so much conflicting emotions, so much thinking.. so much that i cant let go... something that i cannot simply type down into words... now my headache is the forefront of everything...
awwww!!

something that puzzles me

this morn my phone alarm failed to ring and i was awakened by my dad. i on my phone to check and realised it was out of battery... but... i vaguely remembered when i offed my phone early last nite it still has 2 bars! unless i did not off my phone properly and it restarted? i'm pretty sure i did off it properly.
the second thing that puzzled me was the way i placed my phone b4 i sleep. it wasn supposed to be in a precarious situation where it is likely to drop or fall onto the table.... very very strange...
as if my phone was touched last nite...
only by me, unless i sleep-walked!!??? hmmm.... mayb i shd monitor my phone again... sigh!

eventful new year for 2010

its been a great whirlwind of events, watched sherlock holmes and alvin and the chipmunks, ate buffalo wings level 10 spicyness that literally numbed my body and caused tears to well up, got a real LV wallet at orchard ion as a gift from wj's uncle, he got everyone to choose something from the shop, amazing! and its my very first (and probably last) branded good. everyone came away with LV bags but i didn want to be conspicuously seen bringing it along, so i chose a wallet, lol
the highlight was actually the buffalo wings, its a first and also mayb the last spicy affair... level 10 was the highest on the menu but its not the highest as we expected... we actually have to request for the higher levels (with level 35 the highest and a certificate given to anyone who manages to finish 6wings) wow! i couldn really picture anyone finishing to that level!
woohoo, *blowing out smoke :D