me, a 22 yr old insecure lady (or not quite yet, haha!) who has a bf who loves me to death and cares about my every feeling and emotion, who has a family of 2 bros and a pair of parents (like duh) but they are more of acquaintances, sad to say. like wat my bf says is rite, my household is ruled by nothing but fear, so who's to say i should feel loved and well-cared for even if it is true that i'm luckier than most other children who mite nt have concerned parents. anyways i shall not harp on that and live my life as it is. i'm only truly wacky when i'm with wj... no one else, not even my close frens have seen me in "action". LOL (@_@)
why i say that i'm insecure? is because i'm worrying about wj changing. of course everyone will change, like maturing overtime etc, but i'm nt toking about that kind of change... its more of his love for me, which i am supremely worried abt. ever since he started becoming comfortable with a girl online, ive been feeling a lil' ill at ease. the reason is that i think the girl is on par in mature thinking as him, and can engage him in really long and intellectual conversations that i cant, and i also feel bad that we are quite opposites and dun share that much in common, except for eating... for me, i think that for parties to live together eventually, they shd share more similarities than differences. although there is a popular saying "opposites attract", but i'm nt quite so sure of it. yes, of course there are instances like wj's parents.... however, i cant be that convinced. And i shall leave it at that....
another thing is i dun think i'm interesting enuf for him. my topics of conversation always revolved ard myself and frens and wat funny things we shared. i noe that as i tell wj all these, he appears to listen and laugh as well but he's actually filtering out wat i tell him. sometimes i do feel upset that i cant engage him, but i guess i'm leaving it as that also. we are all humans after all, we cant expect to be identical to one another.
another thing that holds me back from doing things that are different is my mum. she's one hell of a control freak, thanks to my granddad who's ultimately strict with her when she was young. apparently she likes to raise history to prove that i'm so much luckier that she's nt as strict as my granddad. wat the??!! and i will say that history is past, now is the present. she treats me like a pri sch kid, so much for being a teacher before and old habits die hard etc... it is all to me a whole lot of crap! she refuses to think and admit her mistake, choosing the stupid thing of believing that she eats more salt than my eating rice. and wat do i think? oh!? so old people will not make mistakes huh??!!! are u human?? if u are, u are bound to make mistakes!
ok anyways, i've typed alot... i shd stop now....
No comments:
Post a Comment