two books ive been reading

been reading 2 books, "unmerited favor" by pastor joseph prince, and the other was something more secular, "chicken soup for the soul - american idol"
both are inspiring and uplifting and i love these feel-good feelings, lol, i mean duh! who doesn wan to feel good?
anyways, now am at home resting from a croaky voice... will take a nap now... zzzz land....

the tenacity to want to do well

wj mentioned that i shd convert my moodiness into something to help me keep up in my work. ive been thinking about it, as well as praying. and i believe that ive found wat i need. it is useless to moan and complain abt my lack in accounting knowledge, so wat i shd do is to read abt it, learn in my own pace. i shd not bother abt how much i'm picking up or how quick i'm picking up, rather, i shd be happy that i'm constantly learning.

~nobody shd be able to put me down, as i can stand perfect in Jesus. Amen!

last nite's catchup and today's dental visit

last nite i met up with karen, it was great fun, cos we talked almost non-stop as if she didn left the company at all! was still so familiar with our usual joking and bantering. wow, it was truly a blessed nite :)
we exchanged updates on wats happened in our lives and it was amazing that she and i had gone thru some 'storms' and of course we both emerged victorious, thank the Lord as we both agreed haha!
she insisted to treat me to starbucks coffee, which was meant as a blessing, and i told her that ive received a lot of blessings from nancy too! i want to bless them too, but so far, not that much chance (nancy's refusal to allow me to pay, but thankfully karen's not like that lol!)

i haven had a starbucks coffee with a good fren in a long long long while, and have almost forgotten the feeling... the nice warm relaxed feeling... it was good to feel it again :)))


and.... today i went to the dentist, oh my! the some sort of drilling made my teeth really sensitive! i had a gaping hole in my last upper tooth due to the old filling which fell off sometime like 2 mths ago.... so i had no choice but to do this tooth filling.... and 2mths later i'll be scheduled for cleaning... abit phobic abt going to the dentist....

patience my fren....

its something about impatient ppl liking one another.... tis customer of mine seems to always rush into putting down the phone even before i wan to finish wat i have to say.
its just like my bro.... no wonder he likes my bro soooo much.... its pretty irritating and gets on my nerves, but i have to think positive... there are so many kinds of ppl in the world, plus he isn't all that bad to me, just a tad impatient....

actually i do have a mind to tell him to slow down, "patience my man...."
things will be done when they need to be done....

back to original....and even better :)

yup, me and wj are back to normal, or its even better, as after our quarrels we do. except this one which was a defining moment for us, since we both considered whether we should continue our relationship, and had come to a conclusion that we love and need each other.
and to celebrate this moment (amongst other reasons like wj's bdae is coming, plus encouragement for his last lap), i bought a ipod touch for him. the one he wanted, 32gb. he was stunned and shocked but really happy, and i really enjoyed seeing the look of surprise on his face and the happiness was so clearly palpable.

when i recognise ppl's faults, its like a mirror

last nite i realised i have one of my mum's lousy traits, when i saw that she panicked due to her wrong perception of time, and ruined a good dinner meal. it was then i knew that it was like a mirror reflecting the image of myself and clearly it kinda annoyed me... and while i was annoyed, i also felt i shd not b so quick to judge/ overreact.

because i am also guilty of this...
fact is till this day, i'm still (trying) to try to change this panicky feel whenever i'm unsure....even in my line of work while answering to customers' queries...

sometimes i deal with this quite well, but other times (mostly), i can simply lose it and start calling for my senior's help without so much as a thought...

done and resolved (part II)

somehow still feeling the discomfort, though the quarrel is gone, it hasn gotten back to normal.... i'm feeling hesitant abt some things especially wary of how he'll ignore me again (if i force his hand)
keeping more things to myself, thinking before i talk, lest i get ignored again for being quick to reject, quick to react, overeact... and the list can go on...
seriously how did things turn out this way??
since when did i feel this uncomfortable with him? as if my straightforward nature is being shaped to become something no more recognisable by me
am i losing me??
i dun wan to lose him, but do i wan to lose me?
a me that could be a loser, a scared, a angry, a hater me?? all these are the very negative traits, and shd be changed... and change is so painful, its making me so uncomfortable, so unsure....
do i have the strength to get through this change period? LORD! I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH, U ARE MY STRENGTH!

done and resolved

all is done and resolved (hopefully)

in a quarrel who is wrong

now there's this scenario thats bothering me

in a quarrel, person A talks unreasonably, person B storms off
to person A, storming off and ignoring any contact is something that deeply hurts.

person A eventually apologises to person B when she noe wats the main issue
person B assumes the apology because he thinks it is entirely the fault of person A that he responds in the storming manner, and totally disregards person A's hurt.

now wat do u think would be a solution for person A to become "unhurt" again? go figure...

quarrel that mite.....

yepz, just last nite we had a quarrel followed by a cold war which was initiated by wj.
he says he will ignore me if i refuse to listen to him. nw many ppl are asking me to listen to them as well. my mum asking me to listen to her and nt bathe too late, she even asked my aunt to 'nag' at me, which my aunt also wan me to heed that advice.
i hear it, but whether i put it to action is another thing.

hearing is just one ear in and then out, while listening entails hearing and then heeding that advice. on the one hand, i'm really disturbed by what wj is doing but on the other, i'm slowly changing by his 'influence' if he doesn understand that and just blindly wans me to do everything he says in order to get happiness, i dun think i can do that....

his idea is simple, for me to 'defy' my mum, i would even be sure he'll suggest me to go out as late as i wan, go out anytime i wan, learn diving like him, dun say no when he needs me, learn other new skills maybe to also quit my job and go out to try different things, stayover with him as a "trial" before marrage to see if we are suited as lifelong partners, to stay with him after we ROM before we have our customary chinese dinner, the list is likely to be longer....

now if i were to listen to all this, sure, i mite be happy, but will it be for long?
when i noe that i mite put a strain to my family ties, which already isnt really that good, i dun feel good as well, especially when my mum is aging, and frankly speaking not much time left for her before she goes heaven. i surely need not speed things up for her by driving her mad, rite? anyways i could perhaps do some of it but to him, its definitely not alot and not enuf...

of course wj cant understand this "silly" point of mine. if he's reading this, he'll probably be hopping mad, but i'm penning all this down in here, not sure where else i can pour it out....

Lord, i leave this matter into Your hands, my sadness, my anger and hurts, for You are my fortress, my stronghold and forever my protector. Amen!