praying and a quiet moment

seriously, when you feel depressed abt urself, the best possible thing u can do is to sit down crosslegged to find ur quiet moment and pray/meditate. another good thing is to settle down to reading a few verses of the Bible. i was so much better that i slept really well!

anyways, the reason i was depressed is cos i realise that wj has even more common grounds with the girl, not only at the maturity level, but also in interests. she introduced him to a drama, and he got hooked. to me, it is the type of typical drama that i watch and want to intro him, but the difference is in the theme which is based on classical music.

this got me thinking that, they have quite some things in common, and can tok abt anything under the sun. then i just felt bad.

anyways, this kind of coincided to my pms season, so i was downright sad.... but as i prayed, i realised some other things, wat wj say is rite, i just need some distraction, because i've graduated and actually have a lot of free time after work to 'imagine' things. so i'm thinking that mayb i should go and learn new stuff, like go and borrow books of different countries, borrow from da jie her jap book to learn some jap?etc..

also, to absorb from God's Word, which can calm me and leave me peaceful. Amen!

disappointed nevertheless

adam lost! although i did prepare that mentally, but still feel kinda disappointed... especially after i watched the finale last nite! he sang so so well and clearly overshadowed Kris! except for the part where he sang with KISS, which i totally hate, anyways i fully appreciate his talents!
i tell u, if he sang the prayer or dust in the wind, i would have 'melted' man! haha, and so would other girls swooning over him...
today i also read in the report in lifestyle that there was this woman in her 40s who superbly supports him and saving up to see him in action.. and that she commented that she's a middle-aged woman who behaves like a teenager. i totally agree, cos adam's appeal is really that magnetic, such that someone like me who don normally follow idol, am really into it... will miss his performances... hopefull nt for long... hehe

just struck me with something i read

just read something from urbanmonk.net about love... and it struck a cord with me.... the source of all my insecurities is the lack of self-love (wj would have agreed with both hands and legs uplifted, he's always so perceptive abt me, but me less of him) anyways, yupz i agreed with it, and i hope i have learnt some tips to self love... lol!
anyone who happens to stumble here and interested to read abt it, can go here http://www.urbanmonk.net/133/the-flower-of-love/

my american idol - adam lambert

yup, my favourite idol is adam! i've nvr been a strong american idol follower, oh please, in fact i nvr really watched it! until nancy introduced me to her favourite singer, adam lambert. at that time, i only just said ok and then forgot abt it. BUT then, it so happened that wj also says he's good, and i wondered how good is he??!! so i asked him to you tube him and i heard his voice for the first time, wow! was i wowed and taken over by his voice! i went to google abt him and you tubed him, and oh boy i became his ardent fan! he could sing almost everything, from classical to rock, my goodness!! wat a unique voice can??!!! his versatility really won me over, and since that time, i've been following idol haha! tonite could be the finals performance!! woohoo!! cant wait!! :D

though i really want adam to win, i did not want to be disappointed if kris wins... he mite because of his cuteness and goody goody boy image and the hype abt adam already winning it... so... i made a bet with karen that if kris wins, she will owe me a rock melon juice haha!

if adam wins, i'm happy to lose the bet! but if adam loses, i would not feel sad, at least i have something to look forward to... a cooollllll rockmelon juice!! *wee

basically me

me, a 22 yr old insecure lady (or not quite yet, haha!) who has a bf who loves me to death and cares about my every feeling and emotion, who has a family of 2 bros and a pair of parents (like duh) but they are more of acquaintances, sad to say. like wat my bf says is rite, my household is ruled by nothing but fear, so who's to say i should feel loved and well-cared for even if it is true that i'm luckier than most other children who mite nt have concerned parents. anyways i shall not harp on that and live my life as it is. i'm only truly wacky when i'm with wj... no one else, not even my close frens have seen me in "action". LOL (@_@)

why i say that i'm insecure? is because i'm worrying about wj changing. of course everyone will change, like maturing overtime etc, but i'm nt toking about that kind of change... its more of his love for me, which i am supremely worried abt. ever since he started becoming comfortable with a girl online, ive been feeling a lil' ill at ease. the reason is that i think the girl is on par in mature thinking as him, and can engage him in really long and intellectual conversations that i cant, and i also feel bad that we are quite opposites and dun share that much in common, except for eating... for me, i think that for parties to live together eventually, they shd share more similarities than differences. although there is a popular saying "opposites attract", but i'm nt quite so sure of it. yes, of course there are instances like wj's parents.... however, i cant be that convinced. And i shall leave it at that....

another thing is i dun think i'm interesting enuf for him. my topics of conversation always revolved ard myself and frens and wat funny things we shared. i noe that as i tell wj all these, he appears to listen and laugh as well but he's actually filtering out wat i tell him. sometimes i do feel upset that i cant engage him, but i guess i'm leaving it as that also. we are all humans after all, we cant expect to be identical to one another.

another thing that holds me back from doing things that are different is my mum. she's one hell of a control freak, thanks to my granddad who's ultimately strict with her when she was young. apparently she likes to raise history to prove that i'm so much luckier that she's nt as strict as my granddad. wat the??!! and i will say that history is past, now is the present. she treats me like a pri sch kid, so much for being a teacher before and old habits die hard etc... it is all to me a whole lot of crap! she refuses to think and admit her mistake, choosing the stupid thing of believing that she eats more salt than my eating rice. and wat do i think? oh!? so old people will not make mistakes huh??!!! are u human?? if u are, u are bound to make mistakes!

ok anyways, i've typed alot... i shd stop now....