the theory of foosball

today wj told me to stay away from foosball, i was kinda sad... apparently wats making me moody is playing against him, so? call me a sore loser then! ;d

but the theory of foosball also taught me that i was taking it all too seriously. Try as i may, i always appear "black" when i lose to him... another thing that was making it hard was that he wasn even playing hard enough, and yet i still always lose to him.. this kinda got my negative self thinking that even with enuff practice i mite not have a chance against him...

moreover, his not playing hard enough also irks me in a way i couldn imagine.... i guess i would rather he go all out to play then to try to give in to me...

yea thats wats called taking it all too seriously, the competitive streak in me was clearly aroused and was taking way too much control of me...

now, when i mite have finally wanted to enjoy foosball properly, he comes to tell me he doesn wan me near the foosball table... sigh! wat an irony....

>.< ||

now the moral of the story is..... dun EVER take urself too seriously, and nvr be afraid to lose!

appreciating the little things

~ appreciating the little things

the little chameleon that runs across my path and climbs up the tree and then out of sight as i headed out from my client's place,
children streaming out from school and absolutely raucous and out of control, walking, running and obstructing my way, the happiness palpable in the air.
a hot day that makes one feel sticky and wish that there is aircon everywhere
the bus that took some time to come amid the heavy traffic
and me finally taking a rest on that cool transportation, moving towards a cooler place, my office

becoming more self aware

last nite as i sat dryin my hair, i also started thinking about my emotions... especially abt my short fuses with my mum amongst other things... more often than not, as i reflect deeper into my emotions, i realise, i'm in some sort of pain, perhaps mostly self-inflicted as i shaped myself to match up to my mum's expectation of being a dutiful daughter, in the process losing a sense of who i am... mayb i'm nt as filial as i think i am, i'm just afraid that i'll anger my mum so much that i cause her something physical, like her falling ill etc. then i would probably feel guilty for the rest of my life...
i dunno.... as i think through why she behaves as she is, i think she's also in some kind of pain not only physically now since she's older but something deeper on the psychological part, inflicted from many years ago... she only thinks she care so deeply abt me and that i dun appreciate it, but she doesn noe that that is wat is causing me to react so badly towards her. her concern for me is so over-bearing, that after my schooling days i just couldn endure it much longer. i tried telling her a couple of times, and she comes up with excuses e.g being old and having more experience, she's like that already, have chest pains and then deflect the topic etc.
to me it is bullshit, being old does not mean u cant change ur attitude. is just that u become more resistant to change. if u can relax and broaden ur mindset, things will become better.
nevertheless, i will continue to examine my reaction towards her and to hopefully guard my temper better. i realised that when i let down my guard, i would most likely bark at her, and then almost immediately regret my loss of control....
i want to face my emotions squarely and not try to run away or pretend they dun exist because the more u resist the more they persist. normally i will do this through journalling, and after pouring out everything in words, i feel better :)

read 2 books

recently read two books, one is called the gypsy morph which i was trying so hard to find since its the last part for the trilogy, the other is robin sharma's sequel to the monk who sold his ferrari, title which i cant remember offhand at the moment.
haven been doing much reading after graduation, so these two books were pretty refreshing. haha!
ok its bac to work now, after taking a short break to do some thinking about my life, and some work problem.. so cheers! :)

sitting on in bed...

~
a decision,
to make or break.
its a promise to myself
to take the necessary steps
to build on my spiritual strength,
to build on my mettle,
to become the person i long to be
with grace, with love
with wisdom
~

been feeling very happy these days, even nancy commented how come i'm so happy this morning. Perhaps its because ive been listening to worship songs lately. The peacefulness and flow kinda filled me with a sense of being closer to God haha!
so even when my mum started nagging at me (again), i was able to keep my spirits high :)
cheers!

had good fun and cheer

today had a good time with some members of the coconut family (our dear ms kl, vince, nancy, daisy and jumhie)
haha, dun ask me how the coconut thing came abt... cos i'm nt sure also... it could have started cos of vince's coconut song LOL
anyways, we went to paradise inn to celebrate our little coconut sis' bdae :D
ordered small dishes and woah, the food's good! we were having loads of fun toking joking, cheering haha! think we made so much noise that ppl in the restaurant were irked by our excitement...
we took some pics, and videos, with nancy and daisy the main snappers... so hilarious when they tried to take each other with the cameras pointed to one another :)
we were so excited machiam like little kids! :-D
kinda miss our little miss kl... oh well...

the power of prayers however small...

last nite the house keys went missing and my parents searched high and low for it, even going thru the rubbish bins in case it was accidentally thrown away... apparently there was still no sign of it... i could see my mum getting so depressed about it, probably blaming herself for her carelessness, my dad only said, "simple, just go and change the locks"
i on the other hand was calm, there wasn any point to be panicky, and even if the keys are missing, it doesn really matter, cos the person who picked up probably will not noe which house to break into?? haha! anyways before i slept i prayed a small little prayer that the key will be found, and soon after it appeared! my mum found it in one of her dress pocket! she too had prayed, so our prayers were answered, Amen! :)

disasters

typhoon in the philippines, earthquake at sumatra, tsunami at samoa... something comes to mind, is the world coming to an end??!! with so many people dying and in need of aid, it is very depressing... but can we do anything to stop these disasters? no.... the most we can do is to rush aid supplies to these affected areas, or do our part to reduce global warming, but seriously tectonic plate movements, we are so so so helpless...
In times like this, its hard to think that God is with us, like how can he allow so many disasters to wreak havoc in our lives?? to think like that would be shaking our faith in Him. He who provides for our every need and loves us as His wonderful creation certainly does not want to see us suffer... so there must be something good that comes out from all this and only time will tell....

something...

i read from somewhere tat unhappiness came about from trying to pursue happiness... interesting... the more u wan it, the more elusive it gets... not sure if i agree totally with it... ha! but it seems true for me... the more i wan to b happy in my job, the more i expect from it, and the greater the disappointment... so somehow the equation became like this

wanting happiness = higher expectation of myself = higher disappointment = unhappiness

so it would seem that not wanting to be happy in my work will then translate into lower expectation of myself, then equivalent to being happy.. now this sounds pretty depressive. but then, there is also something that attracts me to being mediocre. it means fading into the background and being content with wat u have, not needing to fight with anyone for anything, not needing anyone's recognition in order to live a smooth life... mediocre seems like a negative connotation, but...for me, it could be the best advice to live a care-free life :)